“If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop digging.” – Will Rogers
This is a story about music, friendship, hope, and recovery.
When I was growing up in a small town in the Appalachian mountains of southwestern Virginia, one of my best friends was Kevin McGraw.
Kevin and I shared a common interest: music. We both played in the high school band and sang in the performing chorus, which was directed by Kevin’s mother, Bea Leist, who was a local legend for her musical ability and gifts as a teacher.
Kevin and I also hung out and played music in my basement along with another good friend. I played keyboards, the other guys played guitar, and we all sang along. Our trio performed a couple of times together at a local coffeehouse as teenagers.
After high school, we all went our separate ways. While I still enjoy music, I didn’t continue in that direction after high school. However, Kevin did, as he performed in music groups over the years.
Many years later, Kevin and his brother Robert McGraw (pictured above), both very talented musicians, recorded an album as “The McGraw Brothers.” The album consisted of original songs, with Kevin singing and playing guitar, and Robert playing a mean harmonica.
My favorite song on the album is called “Dig Myself A Hole,” which tells a story of someone who is literally digging themselves deeper and deeper into a hole before finally realizing they need help to get out.
I asked Kevin some years ago if he would mind if I played this song for some of the patients in our drug and alcohol recovery group at the hospital where I worked for many years. He said, “Sure, go ahead. And tell them that Robert is in recovery with many years of sobriety.”
So I would play the recording of “Dig Myself a Hole” in group and then we would talk about it.
Please take a listen to the song and then let’s talk about the lessons we can learn from it. I’ve included the lyrics below so you can follow along:
“Dig Myself a Hole” – lyrics and music by Kevin McGraw © 2006; reprinted with permission.
I went and got myself a shovel, I went out in the yard
I burned and churned and turned that earth, it wasn’t very hard
The next thing that I notice, I’m in a hole up to my knees
Then a friend said he’d be glad to help if I’d only ask him please
But I was busy with my shovel, I was committed to my hole
So I burned and churned and turned that earth, tried to satisfy my soul
We all have our shovels, we all dig our holes
What’s in between that’s seldom seen is why we choose those roles
And in our day of reckoning as we face the icy cold
Just how far do we dig before we climb out of our holes?
The next thing that I noticed, I’m in a hole up to my chest
But I was digging hard out in the yard, this was no time to rest
So I pressed on with my shovel and here came my friend again
He said it looks like you’re having trouble, can I lend a helping hand?
I said I think I’ve got it covered, but thanks for stopping by
And I leaned into my shovel but I began to wonder why
Why do we all have our shovels, why do we all dig our holes?
Why is what’s in between so seldom seen, why do we choose those roles
Why is it in our day of reckoning as we face the bitter cold
Why do we have to do dig so far before we climb out of our holes?
Now I put down my shovel and I’m finished with this hole
I hit bedrock and I had to stop, I couldn’t dig no more
When I looked all around me, my hole is all I see
I got a worn out shovel and a broken back and my friend he said to me
He said, brother you’re in trouble, please take me by the hand
And he lifted me up and he dusted me off and said, Now I understand
We all have our shovels, we all dig our holes
What’s in between that’s seldom seen is why we choose those roles
Why is it in our time of reckoning when we face our final toll
Do we have to dig so far before we climb out of our holes?”
To me, the lessons learned from the song are pretty clear. In the first verse, the person is just starting to “dig a hole,” which is a metaphor for getting into a difficult situation. This could be interpreted as substance misuse, stress or many other personal or emotional challenges. He remains “committed” to digging and is trying to “satisfy [his] soul.” A friend offers to help, but the digger turns down the help, as he is clearly stuck in denial.
The chorus is one of reflection and questioning. It acknowledges that “we all dig our holes” and asks the poignant question, “Just how far do we dig before we climb out of our holes?”
In verse two, the person is still digging and getting deeper, with the hole up to his chest. While digging earnestly, his loyal friend comes by a second time, expressing concern that the person in the hole may be “having trouble.” The friend offers to “lend a helping hand,” which is again refused. However, here we see the person in the hole begins to question his situation a bit, as he begins “to wonder why” we dig our holes and asks why do we “have to dig so far” before climbing out. This is the beginning of some insight into the problem and a possible harbinger of change.
In the third and final verse, we find the person has dug so deep in the hole, it’s now over his head. He has literally hit rock bottom and has stopped digging due to a “worn out shovel and a broken back.” The loyal friend comes by a third time to offer assistance, stating “brother, you’re in trouble.” This time, however, the person in the hole accepts the help and allows the friend to pull him out of the hole. Finally, he understands the seriousness of this situation and is amenable to the much-needed support from the friend. In the final chorus, there is some awareness of a possibly different path when the reflective question is posed, “Do we have to dig so far before we climb out of our holes”?
Over several years, this song was always well received by the members in our group. You can see how anyone struggling with mental health concerns, substance misuse or other personal challenges can easily relate to the song and its message.
We often see how people dig themselves deeper into their “holes” for long periods of time. In doing so, they often face considerable denial and are not ready to accept the help and support of others. They often endure prolonged distress and sometimes hit the proverbial “rock bottom” where they are exhausted and overwhelmed.
But the song also offers a hopeful, positive message. If we can come to recognize the holes we are digging and accept help sooner, we don’t have to hit rock bottom. With assistance from those who are concerned about our welfare, we can get out of our hole and back onto solid ground. Then the recovery process can move forward more easily.
I checked in with Kevin and Robert to get their approval before publishing this article. They both gave their full support. Thanks so much to both of them for sharing this important message of hope and recovery through their music.
Here’s a question: What holes have you dug and what has helped you get out of them? Please leave a comment. Also, please subscribe to my blog and feel free to follow me on X (formerly Twitter) or Instagram, “like” my Facebook page, or connect on LinkedIn. Finally, if you enjoyed this post, please share it with a friend. Thanks!