Stories of Hope: An Interview with Debra Atlas
This is part of a series featuring individuals who share their life experiences with mental health issues. Recently, I asked writer and author Debra Atlas about her journey and her recent activities. Here’s our interview:
DS: Tell us about when you first started becoming aware of concerns related to your mental health. How did these issues continue to affect you and those around you before you sought treatment?
DA: No one suspected while I was growing up that I was a sad child and that I struggled with periodic bouts of extreme shyness. I learned early to mask it well. When I became a teenager, these feelings intensified. Although I had friends, I often felt alone and believed there was no one to turn to.
At age 14, things escalated. I’d often felt “odd man out” in my family, rarely offering my opinion on family matters, and I’d adopted a “stone face” to hide behind. But during a family crisis, I uncharacteristically stepped forward to try to help and was severely criticized for doing so. At that point, hopelessness came crashing down on me and I took the only option left to me – I tried to commit suicide. Fortunately two classmates found out just after my attempt and alerted my parents, who rushed me to the hospital and I was saved.
After this “incident,” nothing was ever discussed about it in my family and life went on. It was hushed up so well that my siblings didn’t realize what had happened until they read about it in my book.
During and after college, my “sadness” (my undiagnosed depression) was more frequent. After grad school, I moved to New York City, where I would reach out to friends late at night when my depression was at its worst. It must have really been difficult for them every time I called, but they would “talk me down” so that I could finally relax and get to sleep.
When my depression became intense, I would go through periods where I’d “hibernate.” I’d hide in my apartment, not answer the phone or return any messages – sometimes for days, even weeks. Unable to put into words what was happening to me, the only thing I knew to do was to hide until the “dark cloud” passed and the sunshine came out again.
I did try therapy for a while but wasn’t able to make much inroads to my depression. That came many years later.
DS: What was the turning point that led you to decide to seek help?
DA: In 1999 I had a serious car accident that took me 3 months to recover from. During the latter part of my recovery, I had an emotional meltdown. During hours of uncontrollable sobbing, I suddenly remembered I’d recently been introduced to a local therapist, who’d given me his business card. I called him and thus began what for me was life saving and life opening therapy.
DS: What has your treatment consisted of, and what have you found that has worked well for you?
DA: I understand that I participated in cognitive therapy. It was extremely helpful to me. One of the biggest benefits was that through our work together, my therapist taught me distinctions I’d never considered before. I learned that what I’d been dealing and suffering with for decades was clinical depression, that I wasn’t broken or damaged. I learned the difference between feeling blue (which many people felt) and depression, which I dealt with. Prior to that, I never KNEW what feeling blue meant! The many distinctions I learned helped me gain a much better, clearer picture of what I was dealing with.
I learned to recognize patterns I’d never noticed before. For example, when I was depressed, what I did with my body made a difference to how I felt. I realized I’d often be on the floor with my dog when I was depressed. I learned that I could get up and move around – and that this would shift how I felt. I also learned that if I danced around my house to upbeat music, THAT helped me feel better. Learning and making these small changes had a huge impact on my stepping out of depression.
Another aspect of dealing with my depression was that I agreed to try medication, which I’d resisted. It took time and some awful stops and starts to find the right medication for me. But when we did, it’s no exaggeration to say my life opened up from that point on. It’s important to be willing to try medication if it’s recommended. But it’s also important to be your own advocate regarding what’s working and what isn’t. I had to stand up to my physician when it came to my medication as what I was on wasn’t working and he didn’t agree. After I changed physicians, I finally found a medication that worked.
Once I did that, I was able to tap into my creativity, my drive to move my life forward and my ability and willingness to take chances that woul lead me forward in my career.
DS: How are things going for you now? What challenges are you still facing? What have you learned that has helped you stay positive and healthy?
DA: My life is remarkable now. I am depression free and have been for the past few years. I do get “down” and “blue” sometimes, but not depression. And when I notice I’m getting down, I take steps to help myself. I take moringa, a natural herb that helps with my anxiety and depression. I have a moringa tree in my backyard so I go outside, pull leaves off the tree and eat them! It’s amazing how simply they work. I also rarely go down on the floor any more and, if I do (such as to play with my dog), I’m careful not to spend too much time down there. And I make sure periodically to dance around to fun music too.
As to challenges? I was very close to my Mom, who passed away a few years ago. I was sure I’d go into depression afterwards. But I didn’t. I was sad – and still am sometimes. But the tools and techniques I’ve learned help me sidestep depression. I can recognize if I’m beginning to go down a dark path and stop.
I also strive to take care of myself. I’m a home organic gardener and I spend a lot of time and effort with my gardens. It soothes my spirit and lifts me up to work in the dirt and to see things growing that I planted. The harvesting’s fun and I get plenty of Vitamin D!
I also have a dog, so I get out almost every day for a long walk. Between that and playing with him – and his ability to make me laugh all the time – I’m able to stay “up” most of the time.
DS: What would you like to say to encourage others who are still working on their journey of recovery?
DA: I’ve found that being engaged in something I enjoy, like my writing, and reaching out to others and being involved in things makes a huge difference. Feeling connected and doing something you feel matters are vital for people who live with depression. Backing off, hiding, staying separate are easy. But they’re surefire prescriptions for depression.
It’s vital to be aware of the things we do that can lead us down the path into depression. Awareness is the key to being able to change anything. It comes down to several things. First – what do you do that can lead you there? Second, are you willing to change / stop that and do something positive to help yourself? It’s not easy but it can be simple.
I make the choice and commitment all the time to stay depression free. That choice is something anyone can make and it’s a real key to having balance and peace in your life.
About Debra
Debra Atlas has been a newspaper columnist, freelance environmental journalist, radio personality, professional blogger and professional speaker. A long-time member of the Society of Environmental Journalists, her articles have covered such wide ranging topics as climate change, environmental and wildlife conservation and green innovation. Her work has been published in newspapers, in regional and national magazines, and on numerous web and blog sites, including her blog envirothink.wordpress.com. Born and raised in South Texas, Debra has lived and worked on both the East and West Coast, An outside-the-box thinker with a wide range of interests, she believes finding daily inspiration is crucial to living a balanced, happy and fulfilled life. You Aren’t Depresson’s Victim, her first published book, reflects her purpose – to offer thought-provoking ideas and new possibilities that educate, empower and inspire her readers. You can connect with Debra at www.debraatlas.com.
Thanks so much to Debra for sharing her inspiring story of hope!
Would you like to share your story of hope? I plan to feature more personal accounts like this from time to time on my blog. If you are interested in sharing your story, please notify me via my contact page. Also, please subscribe to my blog and feel free to follow me on X (formerly Twitter) or Instagram, “like” my Facebook page, or connect on LinkedIn. Finally, if you enjoyed this post, please share it with a friend. Thanks!