Stories of Hope: An Interview with Lisa Kohn
This is part of a series featuring individuals who share their life experiences with mental health issues. Recently, I asked author and advocate Lisa Kohn about her journey. Here’s our interview:
DS: Tell us about when you first started becoming aware of concerns related to your mental health. How did these issues continue to affect you before you sought treatment?
LK: “The best seats I ever had at Madison Square Garden were at my mother’s wedding, and the best cocaine I ever had was from my father’s friend, the judge.” This is how I describe my childhood.
I was raised in the Unification Church, the “Moonies”, with my mom and a life of “sex, drugs, and squalor” in New York City’s East Village with my dad. I began to pull away from the Church in my late teens, and the trauma/self-loathing that leaving “the Messiah” kicked up in me led me to almost jumping off a bridge my freshman year of college, becoming anorexic my sophomore year, doing a hell of a lot of cocaine my junior year, and diving into destructive love relationships my senior year.
A few years after college I became engaged to someone who drank a lot and who was very mean to me when he drank, and someone pointed me to Al-Anon.
I crawled into the rooms thinking, “Tell me if he’s an alcoholic. There is no way I would be with an alcoholic.” I was so super-functional on the outside, I had no idea I was damaged and broken on the inside.
DS: What was the turning point that led you to decide to seek help?
LK: Being engaged to some who drank a lot, and who was mean to me when he drank, turned me to seek help. Although at that point I would have told you that I was fine; the problem was his drinking. Again, I was extremely functional on the outside, and I had no clue how damaged, broken, and hurting I was on the inside.
It took me a good deal of time after first finding Al-Anon to realize that, in fact, his drinking had nothing to do with anything. My job was to focus on myself and heal myself.
DS: What has your treatment consisted of, and what have you found that has worked well for you?
LK: Over the decades my treatment has included talk therapy, EMDR (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) therapy, and other modalities (parts work, some somatic work). I have also followed paths of meditation, mindfulness, yoga, etc.
It’s a continual path and journey, and I find EMDR, talk, and body work to be very helpful.
DS: How are things going for you now? Are there challenges you are still facing? What have you learned that has helped you stay positive and healthy?
LK: I am wholer and healthier than I’ve ever been. My memoir being published cracked some additional “tectonic plates” in my psyche and pushed me toward even more self-acceptance, compassion and love. It was after it was published, in 2018, that I realized – at that point – I still somehow thought I was damaged.
I’m not damaged. I have damage and scars, and that’s okay. It is my self-compassion and self-love practice that is most essential and healing for me, and, again, that is a constant journey.
I am still “putting down” false truths I learned as a child/in the cult (that saved my life), and I’m still learning what are, I guess, basic true truths – like I don’t have to be constantly hypervigilant and I get to just be me and not need to prove anything, etc.
Again, a hand on my heart and a heartfelt “I love you sweetheart, it’s okay” to myself, ala Tara Brach, helps soothe me.
DS: You’ve been active in mental health advocacy and social media. Tell us about your involvement in those activities.
LK: I am active in mental health advocacy (and particularly cult recovery) and on social media because I want to reach other who are suffering and offer any help and hope that I can. I speak at workshops and conferences and am active as @lisakohnwrites on X (formerly Twitter), Instagram, and Facebook.
DS: What would you like to say to encourage others who are still working on their journey of recovery?
LK: I am working to spread three messages with my memoir:
Extremist situations exist. They are extremely prevalent, outrageously intoxicating, and dangerous.
For anyone who feels hopeless or damaged beyond repair, there is hope and you are not damaged.
As a species we are too hard on ourselves – too self-critical, self-judging, and self-lambasting – and we need a HUGE dose of self-compassion and love.
Also, I have learned that while I would wish trauma on no one, those of us who have suffered eventually end up with a greater appreciation for the simplest aspects of life.
I notice and delight in small pleasures every day, and I don’t notice others who have not gone on a path such as this having that same easily found joy and hope.
About Lisa
Lisa Kohn is the author of “to the moon and back: a childhood under the influence,” as well as “The Power of Thoughtful Leadership.” She is a writer, teacher, and public speaker who owns a leadership consulting and executive coaching firm (chatsworthconsulting.com) and who works to bring to others the tools, mind-shifts, and practices she’s found that have helped her heal, as well as the hope and forgiveness she’s been blessed to let into her life. She will always tell you that she is a native New Yorker, but she currently lives in Pennsylvania. You can connect with her via Facebook, X (formerly Twitter), Instagram, LinkedIn or her website.
Thanks so much to Lisa for sharing her inspiring story of hope!
Would you like to share your story of hope? I plan to feature more personal accounts like this from time to time on my blog. If you are interested in sharing your story, please notify me via my contact page. Also, please subscribe to my blog and feel free to follow me on X (formerly Twitter) or Instagram, “like” my Facebook page, or connect on LinkedIn. Finally, if you enjoyed this post, please share it with a friend. Thanks!