Stories of Hope: An Interview with Laura Kaponer
This is part of a series featuring individuals who share their life experiences with mental health issues. Recently, I asked mental health advocate Laura Kaponer about her journey and her current activities. Here’s our interview:
DS: Tell us about when you first started becoming aware of concerns related to your mental health. How did these issues continue to affect you before you sought treatment?
LK: Many of those in recovery can recall a “before” and “after” period regarding the onset of their mental health symptoms. For me there was no before. According to my parents, I began showing signs of some form of mental health issues as early as age 2 and a half.
From the very beginning, my behaviors towards others were deemed highly inappropriate: uncontrollable emotional outbursts, lack of boundaries and misinterpretation of social cues. What made all of this especially frustrating for all parties involved was my inability to comprehend why my actions were so alienating even though it was explained to me countless times.
To me 2+2=5 and no one would ever be able to convince me otherwise. Without realizing the negativity I was creating around me, my behaviors only continued and progressed in severity.
DS: What was the turning point that led you to decide to seek help?
LK: I didn’t receive any formal treatment or diagnosis until I was in my mid-twenties. My experiences, not unlike those of many others in recovery, included the medication merry-go-round, serial relationships with mental health professionals, numerous inpatient hospitalizations and a myriad of diagnoses slapped onto me in a frantic effort to sort out what box I belonged in.
These ineffective strategies did more harm than good the vast majority of the time. In a desperate search for answers I ended up with far more questions. Why is this happening to me and is there anything I can do to make it better?
My inability to find the help I needed led to very dangerous self-destructive behaviors. The irony is that the more I tried to fix myself, the worse I actually became. Each time that I engaged in harmful activities it was in an effort to alleviate some of my overwhelming emotions. I merely put a band-aid on a bullet wound.
DS: What has your treatment consisted of, and what have you found that has worked well for you?
LK: An article in Oprah magazine alerted my parents to the possibility of a condition called Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) that could accurately explain the challenges I was continually experiencing. Very tactfully they approached me with this information in the hope that I would be receptive. My reactions ranged from volatile to open with limited predictability.
Thankfully I was amenable to exploring treatment options. The therapeutic program specifically created for this condition is Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). This involved group and individual therapy. The main focus was understanding the root of my self-harming habits and learning various coping skills to manage them. This was the first step over the next several years that would build a foundation for a healthier version of myself.
Healing in any capacity is all about the work you put into it. I was consistently inconsistent. The next step and arguably the most integral turning point was attending my first NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) Connections Support Group.
The key ingredient my recovery had been missing was developing a network of peers with similar experiences. For the first time I felt like I wasn’t some broken vessel because I wasn’t the only one with these challenging thoughts and feelings. NAMI was the sanctuary I had been searching for all along without even realizing it.
Symptoms have the ability to morph over time and coping skills that may have worked at one point may no longer be as effective. There is an ongoing trial-and-error process as to what makes the most sense while approaching the various hurdles in recovery.
The same theory holds true for therapists. I was fortunate enough to find someone who fit my needs for who I am now as opposed to the version of myself I had previously been. His approach, his very demeanor, gave me a necessary sense of comfort during an especially turbulent time.
DS: How are things going for you now? Are there challenges you are still facing? What have you learned that has helped you stay positive and healthy?
LK: For me I strongly believe the most effective recovery practices come from a diversified support system: medication management to mitigate my symptoms, a therapist to teach me the life skills I may be lacking, peers to help me normalize what I’m going through, and people without mental illnesses to give me an outside perspective I probably couldn’t come to on my own.
Recovery isn’t linear. I will never be recovered but rather in various stages of recovery. It’s important to be patient and compassionate with myself because some days my benchmarks may be higher than other days. I cannot measure myself by someone else’s yardstick. My journey is not your journey and your journey is not mine.
DS: You’ve been active in mental health advocacy and social media. Tell us about your involvement in those activities.
LK: It was my involvement with NAMI that directly led me to pursuing mental health advocacy on a larger scale. I felt the best way to deal with the stigma that had been crippling me for so many years was to face it head on. This was both exhilarating and intimidating.
It began small with some musings on my Facebook page. As my courage began to grow, so did my platform in terms of social media presence. I became more active with NAMI beyond the support groups including involvement in the Recovery Council. The Recovery Council focused on advocacy, education, and fundraising.
I took a chance reaching out to every single local publication hoping someone would give me a chance to extend my reach in the community. I was fortunate enough that two local publications agreed to allow me the opportunity to write monthly mental health articles.
My mental health advocacy is equal parts what I put out there and what I get back. If anything, I would argue those who reach out to me have had the greatest impact on my own personal recovery. People began to trust me with their own mental health hopes, fears, and challenges. This further fueled me to do the most I could with whatever resources I had.
There are so many people out there still struggling under the weight of what may seem like an insurmountable stigma. If sharing my journey can help in any way, I feel obligated and honored to do so.
My one rule is full transparency; I refuse to polish my mental health and wrap it up with a shiny bow. What I put out there are my triumphs as well as my setbacks. I feel setbacks give us the greatest opportunity for personal development.
DS: What would you like to say to encourage others who are still working on their journey of recovery?
LK: My message to anyone in recovery is the importance of introspection. Finding that balance between what is comfortable and bracing yourself to step outside your comfort zone. Forgive yourself for any perceived failures understanding all experiences are chances for growth.
I am by no means a model citizen when it comes to my recovery; sometimes I’m the sunshine and sometimes I’m the thunderstorm. More than anything I am learning to accept my limitations while discovering any workarounds I can use to push passed them. Sometimes I won’t be able to and that’s OK too. There is no secret formula to have the gold medal recovery and I don’t think that should be the goal either.
After all this time I realize I don’t need to have a before or an after. My recovery is all during and forever ongoing. The behaviors I experienced early on still happen in varying degrees. I accept that. The difference between now and then is my level of understanding. It is this understanding this gives me the ability to become the best version of myself. It is this understanding that allows me to see I am an entire person beyond my mental illnesses.
About Laura
Laura Kaponer is a New York transplant now living in South Carolina. She’s an active member of her local chapter of NAMI, a certified peer support specialist and monthly columnist for two of her local newspapers. Although her passion for advocacy is rooted in the mental health community, she aims to serve humanity in its entirety. You can connect with her via Facebook, Instagram, X (formerly Twitter), or TikTok.
Thanks so much to Laura for sharing her inspiring story of hope!
Would you like to share your story of hope? I plan to feature more personal accounts like this from time to time on my blog. If you are interested in sharing your story, please notify me via my contact page. Also, please subscribe to my blog and feel free to follow me on X (formerly Twitter) or Instagram, “like” my Facebook page, or connect on LinkedIn. Finally, if you enjoyed this post, please share it with a friend. Thanks!