Stories of Hope: An Interview with Pammila Allen
This is part of a series featuring individuals who share their life experiences with mental health issues. Recently, I asked Pammila Allen about her journey and her current activities. Here’s our interview:
DS: Tell us about when you first started becoming aware of concerns related to your mental health. How did these issues continue to affect you before you sought treatment?
PA: I was a victim of abuse; mental, physical and sexual abuse. When I was 8, I fled into the foster care system to get away from the threat to my health and well being. I was having traumatic experiences with counseling and child services; they were not taking my concerns seriously. They wanted to return me home, and I was greatly distressed and started suffering PTSD when I was 9. I was not really seeking treatment, I was just struggling to understand what I needed, versus what child services was trying to tell me I needed. I believe it just traumatized me further.
DS: What was the turning point that led you to decide to seek help?
PA: I have always wanted help, from the moment I stood up for myself and refused to leave 2nd grade to return home. I stayed put until child services came and picked me up.
DS: What has your treatment consisted of, and what have you found that has worked well (or not so well) for you?
PA: Mostly counseling and medications, so many different counselors, and medications. It is kind of a blur since I have over lapping mental health issues. I have both mood / personality disorders, as well as other issues. I just kept moving, when ever things went belly up, I would just make my self leave and start over some where else. I just kept moving until I felt I no longer had to keep running from things.
DS: How are things going for you now? What have you learned that has helped you to be more positive and healthy? What struggles are you still facing?
PA: I am finally a month into feeling better with some new medications, I feel like I am waking up after 3 or more years of just being in a depressive cycle. The doctor finally ran a DNA test to adjust my medications. I also deal with pain, and often I miss my medications when I am dealing with pain issues. Sometimes I don’t want to take the medications. I try to remind myself that I am committed to maintaining stability.
DS: Tell us about your involvement in mental health advocacy activities and social media.
PA: I am the owner of the Facebook Mental Health Resource group. I been managing it for 5 years now. I use it to research various mental health issues and to share methods with other members that help. I talk about surviving abuse, dealing with low self esteem, coping skills for improving mood, and dealing with grief, divorce, financial hardships. I am just interested in people being empowered, to better fend for themselves.
DS: What would you like to say to encourage others who are still working on their journey of recovery?
PA: We all have cycles, periods where we feel down. We need to be persistent to get the needed help, keep speaking up and request adjustments on meds, and pursue all avenues of treatment. When we are down, we need to be resolute that we don’t want to die, that we will not even consider any thoughts of suicide. We might feel down, but we can get back up. It just takes time, but it is worth it.
About Pammila
I fled into foster care at age 8, due to mental, physical, and sexual abuse which began at age 6. I dealt with a lot of behavioral issues and PTSD when I was 9 years old. As I grew older, the doctors just kept diagnosing other mental health issues such as bipolar, borderline, and schizotypal. I had a noise problem like misophonia, and eating issues like binge eating and pica. After I was pregnant at 14, my last foster mother adopted me; we were fighting against child services again to not force me into a group home for pregnant teens. I did place my child up for adoption, and then completed my adoption. I moved around so much, 30 times in all the years. I also had worked more than 30 jobs, usually 6 months on and 6 months off due to personality conflicts with co-workers. It was not until much later that I realized my best work was when I was alone. I grew up being bullied, and suicidal, very upset, and unable to maintain relationships long-term. It took years of moving and meeting new people to finally get some confidence to finally stay put in one spot. I manage the Facebook Mental Health Resource Group – helping others understand various mental health issues, as well as tracking my mental health journey.
Thanks so much to Pammila for sharing her inspiring story of hope!
Would you like to share your story of hope? I plan to feature more personal accounts like this from time to time on my blog. If you are interested in sharing your story, please notify me via my contact page. Also, please subscribe to my blog and feel free to follow me on X (formerly Twitter) or Instagram, “like” my Facebook page, or connect on LinkedIn. Finally, if you enjoyed this post, please share it with a friend. Thanks!