Stories of Hope: An Interview with Michelle Hammer
This is part of a series featuring individuals who share their life experiences with mental health issues. Recently, I asked mental health advocate Michelle Hammer about her journey and her current activities. Here’s our interview:
DS: Tell us about when you first started becoming aware of concerns related to your mental health. How did these issues continue to affect you before you sought treatment and was there a turning point that led you to decide to seek help?
MH: When I was in high school, my mother noticed my erratic behavior and wanted to get me help. I fought her time and time again because of the paranoia. I wanted to keep everything inside and not tell anyone.
I hated my mom for trying to get me help. All I wanted was to be left alone. I believed she was trying to hurt me, sabotage me, or just wanted me dead. I believed this because that was what the paranoid voices were telling me.
When I made it to college, I thought this is where I could finally be happy. My first few weeks at college were amazing. I met tons of people, made new friends, and enjoyed my new classes. Little did I realize, I was having a huge manic episode. I was loud, very loud, yelling all the time, being obnoxious, pushing my luck, and all-around acting out of control.
Then, things changed. The voices that had plagued me for so long started again. I began to think my roommate/best friend was trying to hurt me, sabotage me, or just wanted me dead because that’s what the voices were telling me.
Then, I knew and realized that it was me. There’s something not right with me. My roommate would never try to hurt me. All of the paranoid thoughts about my mom in the past, I was now putting on my roommate.
This was a huge turning point. I finally realized that something was making me think these paranoid thoughts. Soon after realizing this, I took a deep breath and I called the college health center for an appointment with a therapist.
DS: What has your treatment consisted of, and what have you found that has worked well for you?
MH: At age 18, due to my mental illness, which at the time was a misdiagnosis of bipolar, I ended up in the psych unit twice my freshman year for suicide attempts and once my sophomore year for suicidal tendencies.
It was apparent that I needed a good doctor and the right medication, so that’s what I did. The first time I took the little round yellow pill, my head became quiet, so quiet. I was so used to the constant thoughts in my head that I had never thought I could feel so good. It was all gone: the fast-paced thinking, the loud repeating words, the mean paranoid thoughts. Gone. I loved this new medication; however, I was just bad at taking it three times a day.
When I was 22 I was more honest with my new doctor and was diagnosed with schizophrenia. This was the best thing that ever happened to me because now I could be treated for the right illness. Currently I see a doctor every other Monday and things are going great.
DS: How are things going for you now? What challenges are you still facing? What have you learned that has helped you stay positive and healthy?
MH: Things are going really great right now. I am meeting a lot of new people and am finding myself having great opportunities. I have big plans for the future so keep watching me! And as soon as it gets warm enough I will be popping up with my clothing brand Schizophrenic.NYC in Hell’s Kitchen, NYC.
What is most challenging is self-criticism. I push myself too hard sometimes. However to stay positive all I need to do is hang out with my best friends.
DS: You’ve been active in mental health advocacy and/or social media. Tell us about your involvement in those activities.
MH: I started my journey in mental health advocacy through my clothing brand Schizophrenic.NYC. Schizophrenic.NYC is a mental health clothing brand that uses the media of artwork and clothing to raise awareness.
I have a website and a pop-up in New York City where I sell the merch and I find myself having amazing conversations about mental health from people all over the world. I have shirts with phrases such as, “Don’t be paranoid, You look great.” and “It’s not a delusion. You are incredible.” They are meant to spark a conversation about mental health. The more we talk about mental health, the less stigma there will be.
DS: What would you like to say to encourage others who are still working on their journey of recovery?
MH: Recovery is never easy. Having insight into your illness is the hardest thing. It takes a lot of pride, at least for me, to accept that I needed medication. Whatever a person needs in their life to make their life better, they need to do it. They need to not be ashamed of it.
Getting help is not something people should feel embarrassed by. Don’t let the stigma of society get in the way of living your best life, and especially don’t let self-stigma stop you from thinking you can’t achieve your dreams.
About Michelle
Michelle Hammer is a schizophrenia activist. Michelle was diagnosed with schizophrenia at 22, after a misdiagnosis of bipolar at age 18. At 27, Michelle decided to use her artistic talents and fearless personality to do something that could benefit the mental health community. She then created and founded the company Schizophrenic.NYC which is a clothing line with the mission of reducing stigma by starting conversations about mental health. She is an NYC native and was featured in the WebMD documentary Voices, which was nominated for a Tribeca X Award at the Tribeca Film Festival 2018. Michelle has also been featured in Mashable, The Daily Mail, Stylist, and Buzzfeed. You can connect with Michelle via her website, Instagram, X (formerly Twitter), or Facebook.
Thanks so much to Michelle for sharing her inspiring story of hope!
Would you like to share your story of hope? I plan to feature more personal accounts like this from time to time on my blog. If you are interested in sharing your story, please notify me via my contact page. Also, please subscribe to my blog and feel free to follow me on X (formerly Twitter) or Instagram, “like” my Facebook page, or connect on LinkedIn. Finally, if you enjoyed this post, please share it with a friend. Thanks!