Stories of Hope: An Interview with Erin Bahadur
This is part of a series featuring individuals who share their life experiences with mental health issues. Recently, I asked writer and personal trainer Erin Bahadur about her journey and her current activities. Here’s our interview:
DS: Tell us about when you first started becoming aware of concerns related to your mental health. How did these issues continue to affect you before you sought treatment?
EB: I think the most obvious issue that drew attention to my mental health was my slow descent into addiction. Starting in college, I realized that I used drugs and alcohol differently than my peers. I felt compelled to use and continue using past the point that they seemed to. I knew I was using differently, but I chose to ignore it. I continued doing well in school and maintained a job, which was also a reason why I sat in denial for so long.
I entered grad school and felt overwhelmed at being on my own in a new place. My drinking and using increased, and I started stealing drugs from the pharmacy where I worked. After I was caught and arrested, I turned to heroin until I ran out of money and excuses for my family. I entered rehab in 2010 and remained clean and sober until this day.
In 2015 I was diagnosed by a therapist with clinical depression, which felt like the final piece of the puzzle. It explained my feelings as a child, adolescent, and now adult. It explained why I felt comfortable in sadness and why it felt so hard to simply live. It explained why I felt like I needed drugs and alcohol to simply exist.
DS: What was the turning point that led you to decide to seek help?
EB: For my addiction, I had run out of money and still had to face criminal charges. I knew I couldn’t continue using and that my life wasn’t destined for this.
For my depression, my husband and I were on the verge of separation and started couples counseling. During that process I found myself unable to do mundane tasks such as laundry and one day thought that it would be great if I could simply erase my existence – something I discovered was still a suicidal thought.
DS: What has your treatment consisted of, and what have you found that has worked well for you?
EB: I attended outpatient rehab for my drug and alcohol use. In addition, we were told to attend NA (Narcotics Anonymous) or AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) meetings, which I thought was redundant. I soon realized though that it was preparing me for continued recovery once rehab was over. Those meetings and the people saved my life.
I started an antidepressant in conjunction with therapy for my depression and that made such a difference. My husband and I attended counseling together as well as individually. We also individually did a 3-day intensive which was really powerful.
Today I still see my therapist, but somewhere around once a month to check in.
DS: How are things going for you now? What challenges are you still facing? What have you learned that has helped you stay positive and healthy?
EB: Things are night and day to what they used to be. I’ve done a tremendous amount of work on myself and have grown individually and in my marriage. We recently had a baby boy and I’m so glad that we both put in the work needed to be emotionally ready and to be able to provide what he will need growing up.
Any challenges I may have are related to continual work on changing behaviors from the past that feel almost ingrained in me. There are nowhere near the same number of issues as before, but it’s a continuous process to work on improving and breaking destructive patterns. My husband and I continue to communicate openly, which is something crucial to the success of our marriage.
DS: You’ve been active in mental health advocacy and social media. Tell us about your involvement in those activities.
EB: I take everything that I’ve learned and try to give back to others. I started a health and wellness blog called Erin’s Inside Job where I also focus on mental health issues since that’s a health/wellness component that is often neglected. I run workshops where I combine fitness and mental health (I’m also a personal trainer) and I simply try and be as transparent as I can to my audience so they know that we all have struggles.
DS: What would you like to say to encourage others who are still working on their journey of recovery?
EB: I would tell them to just keep going. It’s the hardest in the beginning, which also makes it the easiest to want to quit and give up. Do a little bit each day. Those little bits will add up and soon you’ll realize that you’re on the other side. There’s always a light at the end of the tunnel, but you have to keep walking to get there.
About Erin
Erin Bahadur is a personal trainer and writer living in Chicago with her husband, son, and dog named Donut. She believes that talking about our struggles makes us stronger and that we won’t be able to get help without doing so. You can find her at Erin’s Inside Job and her Instagram account. Say hi!
Thanks so much to Erin for her inspiring story of hope!
Would you like to share your story of hope? I plan to feature more personal accounts like this from time to time on my blog. If you are interested in sharing your story, please notify me via my contact page. Also, please subscribe to my blog and feel free to follow me on X (formerly Twitter) or Instagram, “like” my Facebook page, or connect on LinkedIn. Finally, if you enjoyed this post, please share it with a friend. Thanks!