Stories of Hope: An Interview with Iris McAlpin
This is part of a series featuring individuals who share their life experiences with mental health issues. Recently, I asked recovery coach and mental health advocate Iris McAlpin about her journey and her current endeavors. Here’s our interview:
DS: Tell us about when you first started becoming aware of concerns related to your mental health. How did these issues continue to affect you before you sought treatment?
IM: My awareness came on very slowly because my mental health issues started so young. I was dealing with some pretty significant challenges in my early childhood, from a sexual assault to a major family crisis. By the time I was 9, I was dealing with depression and PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder), although I didn’t know what to call it until much later. When I was 16, it was obvious that I was dealing with bulimia as well, but it had been creeping up on me for years undiagnosed.
At that time there was almost no public discussion of any of these issues. I thought there was something fundamentally wrong with me, and me alone. I didn’t know these were relatively common human experiences, and I had no idea how to talk about what I was going through.
Over time my grades and school attendance started to decline, my relationship with my family got more and more tense, and I grew increasingly distant from my friends. I started therapy when I was 12, but I didn’t start taking it seriously until I was 16. Even then, I couldn’t bring myself to share the worst things that had happened to me. It took hitting rock bottom, and nearly ending my life at the age of 20 for me to get serious help, and start admitting to myself and others how severe the bulimia and depression had gotten.
DS: What has your treatment and self-care consisted of, and what have you found that has worked well for you?
IM: I’ve tried just about everything you’ve heard of, and probably a lot of things you haven’t over the years. Overall the most impactful things for me have been group coaching programs. Sometimes one-on-one therapy is essential for doing a deep dive into a particular issue, but I found it way too easy to hide in one-on-one therapy. I got to dictate which topics were discussed, and I usually didn’t bring up the things that I most needed to work on. I was 30 years old before I started sharing honestly about the extent of my sexual assault history, and that was thanks to someone else bringing up her own experience in group. Unless you plug your ears in a group setting, you can’t hide. That is why my own programs I’ve created are group oriented!
In addition to trying group coaching programs or group therapy, my recommendation is always to stay curious, and to never stop trying new things. It took a tremendous amount of trial and error for me to find the books, programs, events, medications, coaches, etc. that really helped me through my darkest hours. If I had given up after a few things, I probably wouldn’t be here today. It can sound like a lot of work, but bringing a curious mindset to it makes it feel more like a hero’s journey than a grind. I guarantee you if you don’t stop trying you’ll find things that help you.
DS: How are things going for you now? What challenges are you still facing? What have you learned that has helped you stay positive and healthy?
IM: I can honestly say that I’ve never been happier. I recently got married to the love of my life, and I get to work with clients and people that I care about every day. I also feel it’s important for people to know that I still have really bad days, and depression still sneaks up on me sometimes. I spent 17 years of my life depressed, so those patterns are well established. The difference between now and 7 years ago is not so much how I feel when I’m depressed, but the way I handle it, and consequently how long it lasts.
My #1 ally in maintaining both my eating disorder recovery and mental health has been transparency. I share openly with the people in my life and with the public via Instagram. I know it’s not for everyone to share their entire life story with the world, so if that doesn’t feel like a possibility, you don’t need to do that. If even a few people intimately know how you’re doing and what you’re working through, it makes the world of difference.
I used to pretend I was fine all the time, which basically ensured I stayed sick. Now if I’m not doing well, I tell my husband, and my closest friends. Allowing them to see me, witness my experience and offer their support is–in my opinion–the most healing thing in the world. I find that when I’m rigorously honest about my feelings and experiences, I move through the difficult times much more quickly. My depression used to lift only for a few days or weeks here and there. Now I only feel depressed for a few days (or in the worst case weeks) here and there. Being transparent and honest completely reversed the pattern.
I know it can be difficult to share with people at first. I actually wrote a book about this, because it’s one of the most common struggles I see with my clients! The book is called Recovery Survival Guide, and it’s completely free. If you want guidance on how to begin having those conversations with the people around you, you can download it here.
I know everyone’s story and experience is different. I still believe with all of my heart that if I was able to get better, anyone can. Self-awareness, self-love and self-compassion are available to every human being on this planet. If you stay on the path to recovery, you will find more peace and inner power than you ever dreamed possible.
About Iris
Iris McAlpin is a recovery coach, certified trauma professional, and mental health advocate. She is the founder of the groundbreaking eating disorder recovery program Beyond Recovery and works with clients all over the world. Her passion for mental health, and commitment to ending the stigma associated with mental illness are at the core of everything she does. You can connect with her via her website or on Instagram.
Thanks so much to Iris for sharing her inspiring story of hope!
Would you like to share your story of hope? I plan to feature more personal accounts like this from time to time on my blog. If you are interested in sharing your story, please notify me via my contact page. Also, please subscribe to my blog and feel free to follow me on X (formerly Twitter) or Instagram, “like” my Facebook page, or connect on LinkedIn. Finally, if you enjoyed this post, please share it with a friend. Thanks!