Stories of Hope: An Interview with Stephanie Palmer
This is part of a series featuring individuals who share their life experiences with mental health issues. Recently, I asked Stephanie Palmer about her mental health journey and her current activities. Here’s our interview:
DS: Tell us about when you first started becoming aware of concerns related to your mental health. How did these issues continue to affect you before you sought treatment?
SP: I suffered with poor mental health for a long time before I became aware that it was a mental illness rather than a physical illness. My first panic attack happened when I was on the bus with my friend and I just had this horrible sense that I was going to die there and then. I felt sick and shaky and something felt really wrong. When I got home, my mom rushed me to the hospital and it was put down to my hormones. I was 16 years old at the time.
Nothing was said about it again for a long time but I kept having these episodes and frequent trips to the hospital. It wasn’t until I was 19 or 20 years old when I had a major operation that it was suggested I had a form of panic and anxiety disorder. I lost friends because they thought I had become boring when really it was because some days I was too scared to even get out of bed. I was so isolated that I went through a phase of not leaving the house for about 6 months. If I tried, it was the worst thing I could possibly do because everything was a danger to me.
DS: What was the turning point that led you to decide to seek help?
SP: Those 6 months where I couldn’t leave the house. I didn’t want help for most of those 6 months; I would hide from the world which meant I was hiding from me. I woke up one day and thought; this isn’t what my life should be defined by. But it’s important to note that people offered me help and tried everything to get me back to how I was before my panic attacks. Something changed that wasn’t forced on me and I chose to do something for myself.
DS: What has your treatment consisted of, and what have you found that has worked well for you?
SP: I was fortunate enough that I could pay for private counselling sessions. I still couldn’t leave the house so I found a therapist who did sessions over Skype and that was hypnotherapy. I didn’t even realise it, but I would just pop to the shops or go out for a walk and not even consider my panic. It just didn’t cross my mind and that was the start of something new.
I had 6 sessions and that gave me a basis to changing my mindset on things. I started going for walks in the countryside and took up a Spanish for beginners’ workshop. I started doing hobbies from when I was younger like knitting or going to the library and reading a book. I also started doing yoga and guided meditation to aid with breathing techniques (an anxious person tends to breathe shallower all the time).
Such basic things that I forgot how to enjoy and it was the basics that led to more advanced things I would never have dreamt of like driving me car on the motorway again or taking the train from the Midlands to South Devon to see my boyfriend when he worked down there.
DS: How are things for you now? What challenges are you still facing? What have you learned that has helped you stay positive and healthy?
SP: I’ve had several relapses on my mental health since my positive experiences as mentioned above. I was in work and my workplace offered free counselling sessions which I jumped at the chance at having. The black dog creeps in every now and again, along with my nervous brain that makes me think everything is a risk that will harm me in some way.
What I have learnt though, is that when I stop doing my positive actions, mainly the guided meditation for breathing and positive affirmations, my mental health deteriorated rapidly. I have to look after myself mentally and physically to stop me from having major relapses where basic everyday tasks are too much.
DS: You’ve been active in mental health advocacy and social media. Tell us about your involvement in those activities.
SP: I came across many different organisations when I was house bound. The ones that stuck out for me the most were the ones that had forums where you could talk to people about their experiences and share stories. I used to record vlogs for one particular organisation and more recently, helped out with their live stream on YouTube for phone-ins and topic discussions. My work is now starting to revolve more around the mental health movement and I am training to be a Mental Health First Aid instructor so more individuals and companies are mental health aware.
DS: What would you like to say to encourage others who are still working on their journey of recovery?
SP: Recovering from mental illness makes you have a different view of the world. No it’s not easy and yes it is the hardest thing to look after your mental well being, but it also makes you a more compassionate human being. You notice when someone else is struggling and asking a simple question like “How are you?” can make the world of difference.
Recovery is completely different for everyone. What helped me may be the biggest waste of time for someone else. Don’t give up on finding what works for you and don’t be afraid to say this isn’t working; I need to look somewhere else. It’s easy to beat yourself up when something isn’t working, but having hope that something will work is the most powerful mindset to have once you acknowledge change is needed.
You mustn’t feel ashamed to say you’re struggling because more people are struggling than you realise. You are not alone and there is something or someone out there that can ease your worries/stress/anxieties. You are enough; always.
About Stephanie
I’m 28 years old and live with my boyfriend and dog in England. I work full time as a training coordinator for a construction company and I’m going through instructor courses to be able to deliver courses for different knowledge bases. You can connect with me on X (formerly Twitter).
Thanks so much to Stephanie for her inspiring story of hope!
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