Stories of Hope: An Interview with “L”
This is part of a series featuring individuals who share their life experiences with mental health issues. Recently, I asked blogger and advocate “L” (who prefers to remain anonymous) about her mental health journey and her current activities. Here’s our interview:
DS: Tell us about when you first started becoming aware of concerns related to your mental health. How did these issues continue to affect you before you sought treatment?
L: Looking back, I realise now that the signs were there very early on. As a very young child I would experience intrusive thoughts, and I remember I would sometimes cry and not really know why I was crying. One of my first memories of school was being given into trouble by a teacher for going to the toilet without permission. I had become convinced my hands were full of germs and I needed to wash them immediately.
Self harm was something that came later, I’d guess at around 11 or 12 (infrequently), and it’s also when my trichotillomania kicked in (eyebrows and eyelashes). I always saw the latter as a strange habit and was actually unaware that it was a disorder in its own right.
My self harming and suicidal ideation peaked at the age of 16, by which point my parents had found out and it became clear that I needed to see a doctor. In actual fact, the biggest factor in my recovery was performing poorly on my mock exams that year. As a formerly top-grade student, this prompted me to put all of my energy into studying and gave me something to focus on and work towards.
DS: What was the turning point that led you to decide to seek help?
L: In one of my most recent blog posts, I discuss the night my parents found out about my self harming and inadvertently prevented me from attempting suicide. Almost 10 years on and I still consider this the turning point in my life. Since they now knew the extent of my poor mental health, it became harder to hide it and in a way forced me to try and come out of the self-destructive path I was on.
DS: What has your treatment consisted of, and what have you found that has worked well for you?
I’m still searching for something out there that will work long term. My treatment has been largely talk-therapy based, with a counselor or psychiatrist, usually at points when my mental health has become particularly poor. This has helped to some degree as well as chanelling my energy into positive outlets. Since graduating university and not having the same focus on academic work, I’ve put a lot of effort into my career, traveling, and now into writing – I find I cope best when I have something to work on.
DS: How are things going for you now? What challenges are you still facing? What have you learned that has helped you stay positive and healthy?
L: I realised since graduating university that I had lost a lot of structure, the need to focus on something and the sense of validation that doing well on an assignment or exam brought me. I floundered a little, which is when I reached out for counseling again, but have otherwise managed to build a happy life with my fiance, and enter into my chosen career field, although I still struggle with my mental health. I’m also a lot closer to my parents than I was at a younger age which I really love.
Again, I’m trying to channel my energy into continuing to build a fulfilling life with my fiance, my career and creative outlets such as my writing; I’ve learned a lot of coping mechanisms along the way and I’m trying to reach out to other people which in turn is helping me.
DS: You’ve been active in mental health advocacy via social media. Tell us about your involvement in those activities.
L: This was something I’ve wanted to do for quite some time now, but due to the stigma associated with mental ill health and mental illness I’ve never felt quite able to do. The death of Chester Bennington (who was a hero of mine) hit me quite hard, and one day I sat down and wrote about what the viral hashtag “#MakeChesterProud” meant to me on a Linkin Park fan site. It got a lot of really positive reactions and so I decided to submit it to The Mighty for publication, which in turn resulted in Anna Shinoda (mental health advocate, writer and, friend of Chester Bennington) sharing it on X (formerly Twitter).
This catalysed everything for me, and reading the comments come in about people who felt less alone after reading my article, about people who cried whilst reading it, people thanking me for writing it literally kept me up all night. The feeling was incredible, and it was then I decided that I wouldn’t be silent any more.
My goal overall is to maintain dialogue about mental health – that we all have it and that anyone can struggle with poor mental health or mental illness. To reduce stigma and show that there are so many of us out there affected, and we are all different with unique lives and experiences, and to reach out to those that feel alone and hopeless to show them that recovery is possible and that they’re never alone.
DS: What would you like to say to encourage others who are still working on their journey of recovery?
L: There are people out there that may tell you what your recovery “should” look like, and unless they are a trained professional, they’re almost guaranteed to be wrong. Your story is not their story, and your journey is not theirs’ to dictate.
Recovery isn’t linear, or uniform, or set in stone; it’s messy and amazing and it’s whatever you need it to be. Don’t be afraid to explore different options and don’t be too hard on yourself if you relapse – it happens but it doesn’t take away the ground you’ve already gained, even if it feels like you’ve taken a step backwards. You deserve recovery and you deserve to be happy, and you can be again.
About “L”
I’m a new blogger from Scotland that is passionate about reducing mental health related stigma. I love to travel, I love music and I’ve always loved to write. I hope that however small my voice is, that by putting it out there that collectively we can make a roar that pushes for change. You can connect with me via my blog, X (formerly Twitter), Instagram or The Mighty.
Thanks so much to L for sharing her inspiring story of hope!
Would you like to share your story of hope? I plan to feature more personal accounts like this from time to time on my blog. If you are interested in sharing your story, please notify me via my contact page. Also, please subscribe to my blog and feel free to follow me on X (formerly Twitter) or Instagram, “like” my Facebook page, or connect on LinkedIn. Finally, if you enjoyed this post, please share it with a friend. Thanks!