Stories of Hope: An Interview with Jordan Ricks
This is part of a series featuring individuals who share their life experiences with mental health issues. Recently, I asked graduate student and mental health advocate Jordan Ricks about his history of mental health challenges and his current activities. Here’s our interview:
DS: Tell us about when you first started becoming aware of concerns related to your mental health. How did these issues continue to affect you before you sought treatment?
JR: In my journey, I was fairly oblivious to the initial signs that I was struggling with my mental health, because they didn’t fit neatly into the stereotypical portrait that is usually painted for depression and anxiety. These signs were easy to make excuses for, because I’d had a very eventful and often stressful life for a little over a year.
Between February of 2014 and March of 2015, I changed jobs three different times, two of which were after moving away from my hometown for the first time. Starting this latest job was the beginning of two of the most tumultuous weeks of my life. My first day of orientation was March 30, my fiancée and I woke up to a flooded apartment and two totaled cars on April 3, and we were married on April 11.
My mental health steadily declined over the next few months, but I was always able to make excuses. I often felt exhausted, but I attributed those feelings to the fact that I was working second shift at the new job, as well as moving to a new apartment in the summer. During this time, I showed varying levels of disinterest in my hobbies, which I attributed to “not having time” for them anymore.
Perhaps the first unavoidable warning sign came just a few weeks after moving into the new apartment, when I was overcome with anxiety at work because the heavy rains outside triggered memories of the flooding we’d dealt with. Even worse, the new complex eventually did flood, though not to the extent of our previous apartment.
DS: What was the turning point that led you to decide to seek help?
JR: At the end of July, I hit a breaking point. I remember going into the kitchen to find something to eat for lunch, then feeling almost immediately, utterly, overwhelmed. I collapsed on the bed in tears, thinking over and over, “I can’t do this.”
I gathered myself enough to call in sick to work, and then tearfully called my wife. She came home as soon as she could, and after some time, asked if I thought I might be depressed. I sent an email that afternoon to the therapist who assisted in our premarital counseling, and scheduled an appointment for the following week.
DS: What has your treatment consisted of, and what have you found that has worked well for you?
JR: Initially, I was diagnosed with an adjustment disorder – symptoms consistent with depression and/or anxiety that are directly related to stressful life events. I saw my therapist every two weeks for about four months, during which time I learned invaluable coping strategies, and was able to come to terms with the stress and trauma that seemed to have triggered my mental health issues.
Going through the issues and treatment gave me a new perspective, and helped encourage me to pursue a graduate degree. However, as more time passed, and my GRE exam date drew closer, I felt some all-too-familiar thoughts and feelings beginning to stir within me again, and resumed therapy soon after.
The coming-and-going of these thoughts and feelings eventually led to a shift in diagnosis from adjustment disorder to major depressive disorder – mild. In my case, it was somewhat of a relief to have a name for my experiences. It meant that there was a reason why I was periodically falling into these states of mind, and also meant that it was something I could fight back against.
Therapy helped me continue growing in my understanding of my depression, as well as who I am as a person. My sessions also helped me learn, slowly but surely, how to differentiate between thoughts that are depressive, and thoughts that are typical of the circumstances in question.
However, there are times when therapy alone is not enough. A little over a year after resuming therapy, I fell into a depressive episode that felt endless. While most would dissipate after two or three weeks, this one had gone on for five. I was trying everything at my disposal – consistent sleep schedules, mindfulness exercises, journaling, prayer, exercise – but nothing seemed to put a dent in my depression.
One morning, I arrived at work utterly exhausted with my head swimming with depressive and anxious thoughts, one of which stopped me dead in my tracks: I didn’t want to keep living like this. In other words, while I hadn’t reached a point of attempting to harm or kill myself, I’d reached a point where I didn’t want to live.
I texted my wife almost immediately, and as always, she understood me. She reassured me, and we came to an agreement that it was time to look into antidepressant medications. By the grace of God, my therapist had an opening that afternoon, and I was able to talk through this horrifying development within a few hours instead of waiting until our original appointment later that week.
She assured me that my thoughts were not unreasonable given the episode I’d been living through, and agreed with our decision to seek medication. A little over three weeks later, I was able to get a prescription for a medication which has changed my life for the better ever since.
DS: How are things going for you now? What challenges are you still facing? What have you learned that has helped you stay positive and healthy?
JR: Thanks to ongoing therapy and my medication, things are generally going very well for me. While medication doesn’t put a stop to depressive episodes entirely, the episodes are typically shorter in duration and less intense than they were before.
There are other practical ways to help improve my mental state – trying to sleep and eat well, spending time with my wife and other loved ones, spending time outside, and partaking in any number of my favorite hobbies, to name a few.
It’s not always so simple, especially when factoring in a full time job and an in-progress Master’s degree, and that balance is a struggle I’m not sure I will ever find a permanent solution to. But, making the effort is more important than solving the riddle.
DS: You’ve been active in mental health advocacy and social media. Tell us about your involvement in those activities.
I’ve always been an emotional person, and an extroverted one. On top of that, I have a Bachelor’s degree in psychology, and my wife is a board certified music therapist. As such, when I first began having mental health issues, I had little trouble confiding in some of my close, trusted friends. I began to notice a strange but encouraging pattern: the more people I shared my experiences with, the more people I found who had struggles of their own.
The overwhelming majority of conversations would be met with the other person saying they either have seen/ do see a therapist, or they have given some thought to seeing one. There was an entire network of people who I never knew had struggles of their own, but they felt safe confiding in me because I had confided in them.
Several months after resuming therapy, I made the choice to make a public Facebook post about my mental health struggles and treatment. Since then, I have posted countless updates about issues regarding mental health in general or my own treatment, and also started a WordPress blog with the intent of going more in-depth about day-to-day life with depression, elaborating on treatment, detailing the events that led me to seek therapy and medication, and sharing anonymous thoughts from others about their lives with mental illness.
I am proud and encouraged to say that because of my social media and blog posts, I have had several people come to me about their own issues, or even make the choice to seek treatment because of my outspokenness. These are conversations that I will forever keep close to my heart.
DS: What would you like to say to encourage others who are still working on their journey of recovery?
JR: To any who are living with mental health issues, I will say: you’re never alone. Nearly one out of every five adults in the United States has a diagnosable mental illness, and I have no doubt that you already know several such people.
I encourage you to talk to someone, whether that person is a professional or a trusted friend or family member. Everyone experiences things differently, so whether or not someone else would need help doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t ask!
My wife experienced most of the same tumultuous life events that made me seek therapy, but she has not felt the need to seek therapy herself. That doesn’t make one of us strong and the other weak, but simply means that our minds and personalities experienced those events in different ways.
Whether you need professional help for a week, a month, a year, or a decade, you are worth being helped. Lastly, remember that your mental health is not exclusively determined by life circumstances. I am surrounded by love and support on all sides, and find success in many of my endeavors, but my depression persists regardless.
Therapy and medication may not always make mental illness disappear, but they can give you the tools you need to fight back and reclaim those parts of your life you felt were taken away from you. You are worthy and deserving of help.
About Jordan
Jordan Ricks holds a B.A. in Psychology, and is currently pursuing his Master’s degree in Applied Behavioral Sciences. Jordan hopes to use his education to find work in large-scale advocacy in order to connect people with necessary mental health resources. In the meantime, he runs a blog, Taking the Blue Pill, with updates posted on Facebook and Instagram as well. He can be reached through his blog and social media pages any time for those who want to know more about mental illness!
Thanks so much to Jordan for his inspiring story of hope!
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