Stories of Hope: An Interview with Ruth Poniarski
This is part of a series featuring individuals who share their life experiences with mental health issues. Recently, I asked author and artist Ruth Poniarski about her journey and her recent activities. Here’s our interview:
DS: Tell us about when you first started becoming aware of concerns related to your mental health. What was the turning point that led you to decide to seek help?
RP: In the year 1977, at a college party, I unknowingly ingested angel dust (PCP) baked in a brownie cake, given to me by a male friend, who yearned to be intimate with me. I immediately hallucinated and experienced my first psychotic episode. I got in my car and drove to the New York State Thruway, abandoned my car, and walked twelve miles south on the shoulder of the highway, while desperate and imagining that there was a revolution taking place. I hitched a ride back to the college town and to my apartment. I had to abort the college semester and return home with my father, when I had my first session with a psychiatrist.
DS: What has your treatment consisted of, and what have you found that has worked well for you? How are things going for you now? What challenges are you still facing? What have you learned that has helped you stay positive and healthy?
RP: I was treated with therapy and an antipsychotic medication. The psychiatrist was not effective as he was truly Freudian and did not offer insight and common sense in my unstable life. He caused a rift between my parents and myself, the only possible support at the time, for I was not open with my friends.
Isolated and alone, I feared my peers would not accept me if they knew of my cyclic malady. Every six months to a year I would have a manic episode and would go without sleep for days, being highly sensitive to the stresses in life ( pursuing an architecture degree, working in a male dominated field, traveling and trying to be independent).
My psychosis got worse and death defying. In 1984 I had a major league episode. Deeply stressed by participating in a psychological workshop, I hadn’t slept for seven days and I climbed out of my apartment, imagining that people were going to invade my apartment and kill me. I instantly planned my fall, thirty feet, blacked out and was hospitalized for two months, not knowing if I would ever walk again.
And then, I found the right psychiatrist, George. He was a Quaker and a veteran of World War Two. He included my parents in therapy sessions, incorporated common sense, stressing the KISS principle: Keep it simple stupid (reducing the stimulus in my daily life). George wrote essays on how to eat properly, develop a sleep regimen, investing money, keeping positive relationships, etc. He was very optimistic that my life will improve.
At that time I was taking Haldol which was mildly effective. My episodes became
less frequent. I married in 1987, and I was hospitalized four times, each breakdown years apart. A doctor in the hospital prescribed Zypreza which worked the best. In 2010 I found the right dosage to take every night.
DS: What would you like to say to encourage others who are still working on their journey of recovery?
RP: In 1988 I turned to painting, in lieu of architecture, as George suggested. Through this creative medium, I focused and channeled my imagination while raising my two children. I take a day at a time, not imagining myself in an abandoned world thirty years into the future, which created great unsettling in my mind during many episodes.
I wrote a memoir titled “Journey of the Self, Memoir of an Artist.” It helped me objectively see my pattern of psychosis, looking at myself from a distance. I strongly recommend to fellow sufferers to keep a journal, strive to recognize one’s pattern, experiment until you find the right medicine, and if one therapist isn’t effective, then try another and consciously develop a support system. George always said, “The best therapy is outside of therapy.”
About Ruth
Author and artist Ruth Poniarski is sharing her coming-of-age story through the lenses of mental illness, disability, and steadfast determination. Long Island native, Ruth Poniarski’s first book, Journey of the Self: Memoir of an Artist, published by Charlotte, North Carolina-based Warren Publishing (2020), is a stunning and unflinchingly-honest memoir that challenges the stigmas placed on mental illness. The book has received glowing reviews, including a Kirkus Star for the Best Indie Biography and Memoir of 2020. You can connect with Ruth via her website.
Thanks so much to Ruth for sharing her inspiring story of hope!
Would you like to share your story of hope? I plan to feature more personal accounts like this from time to time on my blog. If you are interested in sharing your story, please notify me via my contact page. Also, please subscribe to my blog and feel free to follow me on X (formerly Twitter) or Instagram, “like” my Facebook page, or connect on LinkedIn. Finally, if you enjoyed this post, please share it with a friend. Thanks!