One Person’s Story Can Save Another Person’s Life

Stories of Hope: An Interview with Brett Francis

This is part of a series featuring individuals who share their life experiences with mental health issues. Recently, I asked mental health advocate, author and radio host Brett Francis about her mental health journey and her current activities. Here’s our interview:

DS: When did you first start becoming aware of concerns related to your mental health and how did that affect you before you sought treatment?

BF: I was diagnosed at age 6 with Tourette’s syndrome and severe ADHD because I was grunting and yelling in class, but I didn’t start becoming aware of things then. When I was 17 or 18, my Dad and I had moved away from the city I grew up in to have a fresh start because I had been bullied and sexually abused. When I started to become aware of my symptoms, it kind of hit me really hard and I said “Why do I feel like this all the time?” So I went and saw a different psychiatrist because we were in a different city.

That psychiatrist made me feel very broken, like I was a big screw-up and terrible. I felt like I got a hard smack in the face where I felt I was really messed up. The issues continued to affect my life and those around me. I had been an outcast when I was younger. Mental health and mental illness didn’t really have great awareness then, although we’ve come miles and miles in the past decade. My family just thought I was using it as a poor excuse for bad behavior. I was a rebel, I was a misbehaved child, I couldn’t keep a job, I couldn’t keep a boyfriend and I was just seen as a badly behaved teenager.

Because of this, I didn’t trust anybody so I wouldn’t let myself get close to anybody, including my family, except for my dad. It had a really bad impact; relationships, job, you name it. I really wasn’t ready to seek out treatment at that point either because I just felt so broken so I just felt “What’s the point?”

I’m really glad, looking back on it, that I went through those things, because I don’t think I’d be the person I am today. I wouldn’t be speaking about mental health, I wouldn’t be as resilient and sometimes as persistent as I am.

DS: Was there a turning point or insight that led you to change direction or seek help?

BF: Yes, there was. When I was 18 years old, I got pregnant unexpectedly, with my high school sweetheart. We hadn’t planned on having a baby; it was definitely a surprise. At 4 months pregnant, when I was 19, I miscarried the baby; it was a baby boy. My boyfriend was a verbally, physically, and emotionally abusive person, and my dad was there for me, but aside from that, I really didn’t have anybody. I just hit this moment where I realized, “I’m at rock bottom now. What have I got to lose for at least trying to turn my life around? I’m tired of it being like this. I’m tired of abusive relationships.”

I realized that nobody was going to take control of my life but me. My dad always told me I have the choice in how I behave and how I react. I maybe can’t choose how I feel or what happens to me but I can certainly choose who I want to be and the decisions that I make. I wasn’t ready to hear that until I was ready to listen.

I was very anti-treatment at that point. There was a lack of awareness about mental illness and Tourette’s. Every counselor I had seen had made me feel completely broken, like I wasn’t worthwhile. I started with my own self-help, it was a lot of trial and error. I read self-help books, I watched documentaries, I read things about improving your self-confidence.

After that, I found that things like meditation and relaxation worked for me because I was so high strung. Then I moved into the mental health field when one of my best friends took his own life in 2011 from schizoaffective disorder. He said in his letter he wanted to do therapy but his psychiatrist denied him counseling and put him on medication. He said “I’d rather feel sad than nothing at all” and the meds made him numb.

That was really when I found my calling with mental health. I did some fundraisers with his family and I realized how much I loved creating awareness and that’s when I started to open up about my own issues.

DS: How did your mental health advocacy work develop from there to where you are now?

BF: Initially, I was really shy, but then I found the more I talked to people, the more confident I was in my challenges. The more open I was, the more people were accepting of me and the less stigmatizing it was. A big part of what worked for me on my journey was sharing my story with people. That was like treatment for me. That’s probably one of the things that’s worked the best. I’ve tried dozens of medications, I’ve had 20 or 25 counselors, I’ve read probably hundreds of books and articles, spending hours on the internet, educating myself–it’s been a lot of trial and error.

So when I do my radio show, it’s very therapeutic to be able to talk about it and know I’m not getting judged for it. I found the more comfortable I was with myself and my challenges, the more comfortable other people were with me. Then I got asked to do volunteer speaking events in our hometown Canadian Mental Health Association. Then I found I really loved doing that and telling my story. A lot of my old teachers who had seen me misbehaving when I was in school showed up and got to see my transformation.

I had this woman walk up to me afterwards who said, “You know, thank you. I’m depressed and this is the first time I’m telling anybody about it.” And my heart stopped. It was this unbelievable feeling. I got goosebumps and I realized this is my calling, this is what I want to do for the rest of my life, tell my story to help other people not feel broken and shattered. That’s where the name of my book came from, it ended up becoming a bestseller.

Through this, I’ve helped people realize they’re not broken, they’re completely normal. Normal is having mental health issues. One in four people report they struggle with mental health issues, but we’re forgetting about all of the people who haven’t reported it. Eighty percent of people wait seven years to get treatment. That’s just unacceptable to me.

Then I did a TV program in Canada that went national. So then I started the radio show in February 2016. It was part time and then it blew up. People sharing their stories, so that is a huge part of my treatment, being able to talk to other people, and I think that’s huge for everybody. One person’s story can save another person’s life. I’ve actually talked to someone who said “Before I heard your story, I was actually thinking about taking my own life. Now I don’t feel so bad because I don’t feel like I’m so alone.” That’s how I felt, like I was completely alone. And now I’m surrounded by people that truly understand, they really get me. That’s a huge part of my recovery, being able to relate to people.

DS: I noticed you also have a clothing line with messages on them related to mental health.

BF: Yeah, I was just inspired one day. I created a shirt and it said “I have Tourette’s syndrome, and it’s not easy to live with.” I wore it to a charity telethon I was volunteering for and people would come up to me and say, “That’s funny.” And I would tell them, “I actually have Tourette’s.” And they would say, “I thought that was swearing.” So I had this opportunity to educate them and then they were asking me questions about Tourette’s and so on. Out of that I wondered what if other people had shirts where people could feel comfortable approaching them and opening up the dialogue. That’s where the clothing line got created.

DS: What challenges are you still dealing with?

BF: It’s anxiety, mainly. I thought I hated my Tourette’s but I would take Tourette’s a hundred times over before I would take anxiety again. It still cripples me every day in different ways. Sometimes I have low physical energy and can’t get out of bed. Sometimes my mind is so foggy I can’t focus on anything and I can’t get anything done. Sometimes I get depressed. I’ve accepted it will be like this for the rest of my life. In the last three months, I’ve had a really tough time with depression.

What I’ve done is I decided to take the plunge and try some medication. So I’ve been on medication for about six weeks. I couldn’t accept that my anxiety was starting to control me. I’ve been anti-medication for some time, as I had a terrible experience with medication for my Tourette’s. I was mis-medicated and over-diagnosed. But I think we have to adapt when our life changes so when we’re going through more stressful life situations, we have to accept we’re going to feel different going through those things. But I can choose to be a victim of my anxiety or I can choose to make the best of my challenges and grow from them

DS: What would you like to say to encourage someone who is still struggling with their mental health challenges?

BF: First, you’re not alone. It might feel like it, but you’re not. You just have to look around and find somebody you can reach out to feel not alone. When you can finally relate to someone and you get the sense of “Oh my gosh, you go through it too,” it’s life changing. Also, you’re not broken. Everybody has their challenges, whether they’re physical health issues or stressful events or whatever. You don’t need to stigmatize yourself. We need to be accepting of who we are and use the things we go through as fuel to grow and to learn.

About Brett