Stories of Hope: An Interview with Beth Allen
This is part of a series featuring individuals who share their life experiences with mental health issues. Recently, I asked mental health advocate and video blogger Beth Allen about her mental health journey and her current activities. Here’s our interview:
DS: When did you first start becoming aware of concerns related to your mental health and how did they continue to affect you before you sought treatment?
BA: I first noticed a change in my behaviour at age 10. I started early it seems! I remember after Christmas 2005 my family & I got very ill with a sickness bug. Needless to say it was not a great experience! But shortly after I recovered I noticed an intense need to wash my hands & a hypersensitive view on what was “dirty” and what wasn’t.
This quickly spread to a daily fear that I was going to vomit. EVERY DAY. I’d wake up with the thought in my head immediately & it would haunt me as I went about my day. Not surprisingly this fear (commonly known as Emetophobia) became an even bigger problem as it bred an aversion to eating. I was convinced that after every meal I would become sick, Eating particular foods like meats & dairy became very difficult, which left me on a diet of crackers, breadsticks & toast.
Much later on, at the age of 15 I finally went to my general practitioner after my parents reached their limit of worry. I was diagnosed with GAD (Generalised Anxiety Disorder), Emetophobia, Depression & Anorexia Nervosa. The illnesses were tough on everyone around me, for sure.
Many members of my family didn’t understand & became easily frustrated with me which was incredibly difficult to deal with! I remember screaming “I DIDN’T ASK FOR THIS!” at the top of my lungs one time in a desperate attempt to help them see these illnesses were not my decision.
I think it’s easy for family members to take mental illnesses personally. I know my parents certainly felt that it was their fault I had “ended up this way.” Many of my days were spent hiding in my bedroom – it was easier to have a panic attack on my own than have to explain it to anyone!
DS: What was the turning point that led you to decide to seek help?
BA: My turning point came not too long ago. At 21, I was not living the life I had expected – I think many of us can relate to that feeling! But I was not functioning in the most basic of ways. Eating, sleeping & getting out of the house were very rare occurrences. I was weighing just under 6 stone & my body was starting to complain with headaches, muscle aches, pains in my chest – basically EVERYTHING HURT!
I was performing in a show with my local theatre group but was far too weak & anxious to attend most rehearsals. I was making up excuses – “Oh sorry, I have a migraine today so I won’t make it” “Yeah, I’ve got that cold that’s going round – I don’t want to spread it” – you get the idea.
My fiancé saw that what was truly stopping me from reaching out for help was other’s opinions on me & my illnesses. He gently encouraged me to share my story with the director of the show – “just the director” he said. So I composed a very apologetic email explaining my crippling mental state.
Little did I know that THIS was the very beginning of my recovery – accepting where I was & that I didn’t have to stay there. Whilst I didn’t have control of my mind at that point I had control of where I went to combat this darkness. And so, after receiving a lovely reply from the director, I went on with a new energy and began my recovery.
DS: What has your treatment consisted of and what have you found that has worked well for you?
BA: I have had 3 rounds of CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) as a child & young adult which helped in those moments of rationalising my mind so I could just about make it through school & my exams. But I had always felt that CBT didn’t treat the “root” of my problems, it just taught me how to cope with the symptoms. I’ve seen CBT work for so many others so I began to lose hope when I saw it wasn’t for me!
Shortly after my turning point, my fiancé & I went to Google & researched every kind of therapy we could find. I was incredibly sceptical about recovery but his energy & determination to see me better kept me focussed on that goal.
It didn’t take us too long until we stumbled across Humanistic Integrative Therapy. (Yeah, I’d never heard of it either!) A therapy that treats the mind, body & spirit as one. Less about exposure & strategic thinking but more about self-actualization & the process of learning to believe in yourself.
At that time I didn’t see how on Earth believing in myself would get me well again –but now, with the benefit of hindsight & many sessions of HIT behind me, I can see that it is VITAL to any recovery. We deserve to have that belief in ourselves – we all have the ability to do whatever we dream!
DS: How are things going for you now? What challenges are you still facing?
BA: Things are very different for me now – in a good way! My eating is more on track than it has ever been, my anxiety is more manageable to the point where I can go outside on most days & Emetophobia turns up now and then but it’s not as overwhelming that’s for sure.
Currently, my newest challenge is that I’m feeling so well I want to be out in the real world but I’m not quite sure how to do it. I feel like Bambi learning to walk all over again! There was a time where I was quite happy to sit at home with the distraction of video games in the safety of my living room. But now I’m feeling so much better I can’t wait to get outside & experience life. I’m just learning how to use my new legs!
DS: You’ve been very active in social media and mental health advocacy. Tell us about your involvement in those activities.
BA: Being active on social media & YouTube has given me a community I didn’t think possible. I started making videos a little over a year and a half ago from the safety of my little office at home. I had no idea how many friends I was going to make from simply sharing my story & being the voice for many others that felt compelled to share theirs. Making weekly videos gave me a purpose when I felt I had no place to be.
I’ve been taking a short break from making videos since my recovery stepped up a notch. Making that decision was super hard – I felt that all the wonderful people I’d gathered together would be disappointed & the self-stigma of not posting anything made me sweat! Sometimes, as a mental health advocate, I feel the immense pressure (from no one but myself!) to be positive & happy all of the time. Which, quite obviously, is a lesson I’ve had to learn the hard way!
But in this process of healing myself & growing I’ve had nothing but support from the community & that just goes to show how powerful social media can be. Social media gets a bad rep a lot of the time – but I can safely say it’s certainly given me more positive experiences than negative.
DS: What would you like to say to encourage others who are still working on their journey of recovery?
BA: What a powerful question. Recovery – it’s a personal journey. No one will have a recovery like yours & it probably won’t be what you expect. I think the main thing I have taken from my recovery journey is that YOU have to be ready to recover. No one can force you into this path & sometimes finding your way can seem impossible. (I’ve been there, I promise you!)
Every day counts for something. Every day teaches you something. Even those days you don’t move from your bed…every day is a step closer. One of my favourite quotes is by Gabby Bernstein – “I always trust my direction & I know I am being guided.” Sometimes what it takes is being brave, closing our eyes and walking those blind steps. They lead to such amazing places!
About Beth:
Beth Allen is a mental health advocate & active video blogger on her YouTube channel – Miss Anxiety. Having been diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Emetophobia, Anorexia Nervosa & mild Depression, Beth shares her story & uses her channel to share the stories of many facing similar battles. With a passion for eliminating the stigma surrounding mental illness, she also shares her recovery tips online as well as promoting wellness. You can connect with her via her YouTube channel, Instagram or X (formerly Twitter).
Thanks so much to Beth for sharing her inspiring story of hope!
Would you like to share your story of hope? I plan to feature more personal accounts like this from time to time on my blog. If you are interested in sharing your story, please notify me via my contact page. Also, please subscribe to my blog and feel free to follow me on X (formerly Twitter), “like” my Facebook page, or connect on LinkedIn. Finally, if you enjoyed this post, please share it with a friend. Thanks!