Stories of Hope: An Interview with Matt Pappas
This is part of a series featuring individuals who share their life experiences with mental health issues. Recently, I asked advocate and life coach Matt Pappas about his mental health journey and his current activities. Here’s our interview:
DS: Tell us about when you first started becoming aware of concerns related to your mental health. How did these issues continue to affect you before you sought treatment?
MP: I knew that something was wrong from the time I was young and endured abuse from the teenager up the street. Of course, being a kid, I couldn’t make sense of any of it. I was ashamed and scared and figured the only way to deal with it was to keep quiet.
All through school I had problems with confidence, weight, self-esteem, battled a learning disability, being bullied, you name it. I didn’t really know who I was, and my emotions were a roller coaster from one day to the next for so many years. I had trust issues with virtually everyone and only had a handful of friends up until about my junior year.
At that point something inside me snapped and I told myself I was no longer going to be a victim, be bullied, or be someone that I didn’t like. So, I pushed every bit of fear deep down inside, put it in a shoebox in the bottom of the closet in my mind, and covered it up with laundry and everything else I could find. There they sat, all those memories for decades. I figured it was time to make a life change, and that’s what I did.
To be honest, it served me quite well, I thought…I was confident, living life, making new friends, and having a good time. Little did I know that it wouldn’t last.
DS: What was the turning point that led you to decide to seek help?
MP: After my second marriage ended in divorce and I had to pick up the pieces again and start over, I figured that seeking help might be in my best interest. I initially started working with a therapist to help me put my life back in order, figure out what was wrong with me, and how I could fix myself.
After all, if I suddenly found myself divorced for the second time, then it must be me that was broken. My brother and sister, parents, and other family members never got divorced, it was unheard of and here I was seemingly unable to figure it out. Even though both times my wife left me for someone else, I took all of the responsibility and put it squarely on my shoulders; not having done enough to make the marriage work.
Even though others tried to reason with me, I wasn’t able to see past myself and the failures. I always knew I was the black sheep of the family, and this seemingly proved it in my eyes. I was the failure, the one who “just didn’t get it”.
After about 6 months of relationship counseling, a great deal of time analyzing who I was and what I was about, and getting some much-needed perspective, it was discovered that I was also a survivor of childhood trauma. This came out somewhat accidentally, in passing, during a writing assignment one day.
Now this was nothing new, I had known about this ever since it happened when I was between 5-10 years old, and then also in late elementary school and middle school with being bullied. However, I had managed to push it aside, suppress it, and pretend it never really happened. I continued this way of living through my teenage years, into my 20s, 30’s. It wasn’t until my early 40’s that I began to seek help and then eventually start working on my trauma.
It was then that everything changed; my outlook on who I was, what I was about. All of the struggles I faced throughout my life suddenly had some meaning, some reasoning. A way to label it helped me put things into perspective. I went through all of the emotions, more times than I care to remember, but in time and with the help of a trauma informed professional, I was able to start making peace with what happened. Radical acceptance became my mantra.
I began using all this new knowledge as a method of motivation. I started reading recovery books, learning about the brain and trauma, anxiety, PTSD, dissociative disorders, everything I could get my hands on. It was as enlightening as it was troublesome, but that’s how I dealt with it. I figured that since the method of not dealing with the effects of the trauma certainly wasn’t working, why not try the opposite approach.
In addition to reading and watching videos, I began joining survivor chats online and getting engaged with virtual support groups. I started journaling about my life while in therapy and eventually that lead to starting my blog, which became my place to openly share my story in hopes that someday somebody might read it and feel less alone. That also lead to podcasting and talking to others about their story of surviving childhood trauma.
DS: What has your treatment consisted of, and what have you found that has worked well for you?
MP: CBT (cognitive-behavioral therapy) and DBT (dialectical behavior therapy) were my methods of treatment as it turned out. At the time I had no idea what any of that was, but DBT helped me tremendously. Learning about Mindfulness and Distress Tolerance skills helped me grieve and put things into perspective. I was able to learn the importance of being fully present, without judgment.
DBT’s Emotion Regulation skills helped me to understand what I was feeling and realize that I could change what I wanted to change and feel what I wanted to feel without trying to turn it into something else. The DBT Interpersonal Effectiveness skills helped me come out of my shell more, be more confident, say what I wanted to say without feeling insignificant or unworthy. I was able to stand on my own two feet and feel like I was worth asking for what I needed.
DS: How are things going for you now? What have you learned that has helped you stay positive and healthy?
MP: My whole life has changed since I finally sought out help. I only wish it hadn’t taken me about 30 years to figure it all out, but I know now that I wasn’t ready before.
I’ve learned how important it is to take care of yourself. Self-care every day is hugely important. Being mindful helps me every day, in all aspects of life. I continue to write, podcast, be involved in support groups, and educate myself in what has become a passion for me and a way of life.
I know my limits, and when I need a break and feel overwhelmed and saturated, I no longer power through. I take a break and do what I need to let myself catch up and rest.
I’ve taken my blog into the world of advocacy by having guest writers come and share their story. I have a podcast, I work with clients both in the US and abroad as a certified coach to help them overcome anxiety and past trauma, I’m working through additional certifications in Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP), and leading support groups and DBT skills groups in my local area of central Pennyslvania.
Healing from my trauma and helping others has truly become my passion, and after so long I’ve found what I was meant to do and be in life.
DS: You’ve been active in mental health advocacy and social media. Tell us about your involvement in those activities.
MP: I’m on X (formerly Twitter), Instagram, and Facebook. Mostly X (formerly Twitter) though, that’s how I began reaching out into the survivor community for help. It’s also how I got the word out about my blog. If it weren’t for social media, I wouldn’t be doing a lot of what I am today. It’s helped me find peace, make so many new friends, engage with colleagues, and find new collaborative opportunities that I would never have dreamed of.
I enjoy engaging with survivors all over the world and meeting new people from all walks of life as they share their story of overcoming tremendous odds and finding a way to keep on fighting, surviving, and thriving.
DS: What would you like to say to encourage others who are still working on their journey of recovery?
MP: That’s hard to narrow down to just a few sentences but really what it comes down to is if you’re sick and tired of being miserable, depressed, and overwhelmed with life, then start taking baby steps to change what you change. There’s no rush, no time table, but you can’t heal if you don’t try.
It’s not easy; in fact, it’s incredibly hard but the rewards are so worth it. Your entire outlook and the possibilities of life begin to change. Where you once saw hopelessness, you see hope start to shine a little brighter each day. That my friends, is powerful!
Nobody can heal for you, only you can do it…but there’s no shame in asking for help along the way.
About Matt
Matt Pappas is a Certified Life Coach and NLP practitioner at BeyondYourPast.com, as well as a speaker, author & podcaster, and the founder of SurvivingMyPast.net. He specializes in overcoming anxiety and working with trauma survivors as they navigate daily life. As a trauma-informed coach, someone who’s lived with anxiety, and a survivor himself, he is keenly aware of the unique struggles that survivors must work through in order to heal. You can connect with him via his website, X (formerly Twitter), Instagram, or Facebook.
Thanks so much to Matt for his inspiring story of hope!
Would you like to share your story of hope? I plan to feature more personal accounts like this from time to time on my blog. If you are interested in sharing your story, please notify me via my contact page. Also, please subscribe to my blog and feel free to follow me on X (formerly Twitter), “like” my Facebook page, or connect on LinkedIn. Finally, if you enjoyed this post, please share it with a friend. Thanks!