Stories of Hope: An Interview with Cindy Kolbe
This is part of a series featuring individuals who share their life experiences with mental health issues. Recently, I asked advocate and writer Cindy Kolbe about her history of mental health challenges and her current activities. Here’s our interview:
DS: Tell us about when you first started becoming aware of concerns related to your mental health. How did these issues continue to affect you before you sought treatment?
CK: When I turned thirty, I experienced daily headaches for the first time. The tension-type headaches progressed to a constant level. About the same time, I was diagnosed with depression—a diagnosis I would not accept. In my mind, depression seemed to label me ungrateful, when in fact I felt incredibly fortunate to be a mom of three beautiful children and in love with my best friend, my husband.
It reminded me of the chicken and the egg story. Which came first, the depression or the headache? I decided that the answer was irrelevant and ignored both the best I could. In those early years, the levels were low. I taught literacy to adults with disabilities at a state institution, kept up with three busy kids, and barreled on.
I avoided all medication for years, even over-the-counter ones. Finally, a pain clinic prescribed antidepressants and an anti-inflammatory, which lessened my constant head pain and managed the depression. Until the accident . . .
DS: What was the turning point that led you to decide to seek help?
CK: In May of 2000, I fell asleep at the wheel and my youngest, Beth, sustained a C6-7 spinal cord injury. My new guilt combined with a high level of head pain and depression. Increased doses of my prescription medications could not prevent me from spiraling. I also worked hard to hide my struggle from everyone.
I wouldn’t give the people I loved more to worry about, especially after I accomplished that spectacularly well with the car accident. After a hospital and rehab stay, Beth started high school in August and I was offered a part-time job at the same school. I should have declined the offer, since I already felt like everything was too difficult, with constant pain. Beth’s injury completely overwhelmed me. I couldn’t see any hope ahead.
Later that autumn, there was a day when I wavered on a tightrope, a breath away from falling hard. I couldn’t stop the tears, even at work, though I did my best to hide them. After school, I confessed to my husband that I didn’t know if I could make it through another day. Always supportive, John encouraged me to quit my job and start counseling. I agreed.
DS: What has your treatment consisted of, and what have you found that has worked well for you?
CK: I tried literally everything for pain, from biofeedback to physical therapy to injections. Some of those treatments seemed to help the depression temporarily, though the biggest impact involved three years of counseling. I worked through my guilt for causing the accident and eventually found a way to forgive myself. I also depended on medication. When I tried to wean off one, the result scared and humbled me. So, I learned to be grateful for managed depression with two antidepressants.
I completed a 12-week class on meditation for chronic pain. The class did not reduce pain (or depression). However, it did empower me with better coping skills. Another significant impact on my depression after the car accident? Watching my hopeful daughter tackle her overwhelming physical challenges with stubborn teenage determination. And traveling with her on unexpected adventures as she created a life she loves.
DS: How are things going for you now? What challenges are you still facing? What have you learned that has helped you stay positive and healthy?
CK: Thankfully, life is good now. My constant headache is my biggest complaint, though I refuse to let it ruin my days. I meditate and take my prescription meds (not opioids). Writing also is therapeutic for me. In the last two years, 40 of my articles have been published. I maintain a weekly blog and I hope to see my memoir, Struggling with Serendipity, in print soon. Staying positive and healthy is easier with close contact with my family and friends.
DS: You’ve been active in advocacy and social media. Tell us about your involvement in these activities.
CK: The wonderful disability community supported my family and me after Beth’s injury, and I am passionate about helping other families with new injuries find hope. I am a Peer Mentor and Resource Mentor for the Christopher and Dana Reeve Foundation. I also volunteer for AbleThrive, a nonprofit on a mission to help families thrive with a disability. I recently participated in a Walk and Roll in DC and enjoyed connecting with other “Warrior Moms” from around the country.
I also share my writings with the goal of eliminating negative stereotypes of severe disability. I love hearing from readers, though it is a challenge to keep up with my messages. Beth’s and my story seems to resonate beyond paralysis and mental illness to all kinds of challenges.
DS: What would you like to say to encourage others who are still working on their journey of recovery?
Ask for help! That was impossible for me to do for a long time, at least partly because I felt like I wasn’t worthy of help. I think finding hope is the key.
About Cindy
A lifelong writer and disability advocate, Cindy Kolbe ran a nonprofit organization, managed group homes, and taught literacy to adults with disabilities. She lives in the Shenandoah Valley with her husband of 40 years, not far from their children in Washington DC, Baltimore, and Boston. Cindy shares adventures after her youngest daughter’s spinal cord injury on her Struggling with Serendipity blog You can also connect with her on X (formerly Twitter), Facebook, Instagram, and find other writings here.
Thanks so much to Cindy for her inspiring story of hope!
Would you like to share your story of hope? I plan to feature more personal accounts like this from time to time on my blog. If you are interested in sharing your story, please notify me via my contact page. Also, please subscribe to my blog and feel free to follow me on X (formerly Twitter), “like” my Facebook page, or connect on LinkedIn. Finally, if you enjoyed this post, please share it with a friend. Thanks!