Stories of Hope: An Interview with Krista Pfeiffer
This is part of a series featuring individuals who share their life experiences with mental health issues. Recently, I asked mental health advocate Krista Pfeiffer about her history of mental health challenges and her current activities. Here’s our interview:
DS: Tell us about when you first started becoming aware of concerns related to your mental health. How did these issues continue to affect you before you sought treatment?
KP: The birth of my second daughter (2002) triggered my bipolar onset. At first I thought it was postpartum depression. Possessing no awareness surrounding mental illness, I assumed it would eventually lift on its own. But instead it worsened, and as it did I began self-medicating with alcohol.
Eventually I went to my OB-GYN and tearfully told her that “I fee like I’m going crazy.” She referred me to a psychologist who ultimately referred me to a psychiatrist who diagnosed me with bipolar disorder. He’s brilliant and is still my psychiatrist to this day.
But receiving a diagnosis took a while. And between my delay in seeking treatment and the time it takes to properly diagnose a mental illness, I’d become a full-blown alcoholic.
Simply put, I tore my family apart. Fully manic and rarely sober, I did things I never thought I was capable of. My husband kicked me out of our home for a couple of years – until I got serious about sobriety.
But looking back, I can see that I struggled with mental illness since elementary school. I had terrible panic attacks that caused me to miss school on a regular basis. My pediatrician said I would “outgrow” them. Now I jokingly say “I showed him!”
And then I silently battled depression in middle school. That’s also the first time I self-injured. But as a child I wasn’t necessarily aware that these were mental health concerns. And apparently the adults in my life weren’t either. Which plays a role in why I’m so outspoken about mental health today.
DS: What was the turning point that led you to decide to seek help?
KP: I’d moved back home and tried to quit drinking several more times but failed. But then one morning, as ridiculous as this sounds, it was as if I had an epiphany. But clearly it was only an epiphany to me. Everyone else already had this earth-shattering realization. I finally realized that I was controlled by alcohol. I know, some huge epiphany.
I asked for help and my family had me on a plane the next morning. I entered a co-occurring (mental health and substance abuse) disorders rehab facility for as long as insurance would pay, which turned out to be 41 days. Then I came home and went to 90 A.A. meetings in 90 days, then 90 more, in addition to working the 12-steps and undergoing lots of psychotherapy.
Of course I wish I didn’t hurt the people I love, but so much growth came from that experience. I like the person I am today much more than the person I was before I ever got sick. My family is closer now. I feel that we value what’s important in life now and we’re more grateful for what we have. I also believe that experience made all of us more empathetic and compassionate.
DS: What has your treatment consisted of, and what have you found that has worked well for you?
KP: The core of my treatment plan consists of prescription medication and psychotherapy. But I’ve found that I feel best when I complement my core treatment plan with the items listed below, with my psychiatrist’s approval of course.
I use a light therapy lamp in the winter. I also take supplements, currently fish oil, vitamin D3 and vitamin B-Complex. And of course, I do my best to practice good self-care, most importantly sticking to a consistent sleep schedule. Which I’ll admit, doesn’t come easy for me.
Plus I’ve recently become obsessed with meditation. And I’ve been exercising more consistently lately. I’m also reading up on other complementary therapies, like reflexology.
I want to be frank in case some readers are struggling with self-care. I’m rebellious, even against myself. So none of this comes easy to me. I find consistent good self-care to be an ongoing battle. I truly hope I can stick with this. But I have faith in myself, I have to.
In order to achieve the self-care habits I practice now I’ve had to bear down and consistently make myself do these things for a while. Even when I didn’t feel like it. And then once I actually felt the positive benefits they produced, I liked it and that made me want to continue. Now I actually look forward to some of them, particularly meditation.
DS: How are things going for you now? What challenges are you still facing? What have you learned that has helped you stay positive and healthy?
KP: Overall I’m doing well, but I still have plenty to work on. Currently, I believe my biggest challenge is finally facing my anorexia. It appears that my bipolar mood episodes and anorexia fuel one another. Right now I’m healthy, but that obsessive thinking is always present to some degree. And if I don’t do the work, my eating disorder could be triggered at any time. That’s not okay.
I think I’ve just found a therapist who specializes in eating disorders, so I’m feeling positive.
All this recovery work has helped me develop a self-growth mindset. That mindset better equips me to search for silver-linings and recognize self-growth opportunities.
My experiences have made me more forgiving of myself and others. But what I feel keeps my outlook positive the most is recognizing that life is a journey of discovery and growth. There will always be more work to be done, and that’s more than okay. In fact, it’s exhilarating.
When I first got sober I would get so frustrated because it seemed like, just as I’d conquer one character defect, another would rear its ugly head. They call that “peeling back layers of the onion.” But the not so big secret is, we’ll never reach the core of the onion.
Not only have I come to accept this fact, I now enjoy the journey. Once again, because I’ve felt the positive results it produces, which in this case is immense growth! Every time I work through the layer presented to me, I grow stronger, wiser and more resilient. Each time, I like myself more and my self-esteem increases. And the benefits are not only centered around myself. I also grow more in-tune with others, deepening already meaningful connections. Truly, I never want this journey to end.
DS: You’ve been active in mental health advocacy and social media. Tell us about your web site and your involvement in those activities. (Editor’s note: Krista’s social media outlets described below are not currently active.)
KP: Exciting things are happening! I’m currently re-branding The Sunny Shadow and making over the entire website! It will definitely be brighter than before, every way!
TheSunnyShadow.com is a self-growth and mental health website with an emphasis on bipolar disorder. Seeing as how I feel so strongly about the impact a self-growth mentality has on mental health, I thought it important to marry the two.
The Sunny Shadow is a supportive and positive community for individuals with bipolar to stay connected, feel understood and find resources. Ultimately, this all stems from the feelings of isolation I felt upon my diagnosis and wanting to prevent others from those same feelings. And also wanting to help people recognize symptoms earlier so they can seek treatment sooner. Thus, hopefully preventing some of the pain they and their families experience.
But speaking of community, I’m excited to introduce the new closed Facebook group, The Sunny Shadow’s Sunnies!
DS: What would you like to say to encourage others who are still working on their journey of recovery?
KP: I recently heard faith described as “the evidence of things hoped for and the belief in things not yet seen.” It’s important that we always have faith in ourselves, but especially when we find ourselves in a battle with our disorder, and particularly bipolar depression. We must have faith in ourselves.
Be compassionate with yourself, always, but especially when you feel undeserving. Ask for help when you need it.
Realize you’re worthy of all the goodness life offers. And enjoy the journey!
About Krista
Krista lives in Louisville, KY with her husband of 20 years, two teenage daughters and a chubby black lab mix befittingly named “Tornado.” She held a career in commercial interior design until the birth of her second daughter. Now Krista focuses on good self-care, family, and friends. And some would say she’s a bit obsessed with all things “blogging.”
Thanks so much to Krista for her inspiring story of hope!
Would you like to share your story of hope? I plan to feature more personal accounts like this from time to time on my blog. If you are interested in sharing your story, please notify me via my contact page. Also, please subscribe to my blog and feel free to follow me on X (formerly Twitter), “like” my Facebook page, or connect on LinkedIn. Finally, if you enjoyed this post, please share it with a friend. Thanks!