Stories of Hope: An Interview with Kyle Mitchell
This is part of a series featuring individuals who share their life experiences with mental health issues. Recently, I asked advocate and influencer Kyle Mitchell about his journey and his recent activities. Here’s our interview:
DS: Tell us about when you first started becoming aware of concerns related to your mental health. How did these issues continue to affect you before you sought treatment?
KM: I struggled with social anxiety my entire life, but I didn’t realize how big of a problem it was until I transferred from my small private high school of about 200 students to a very large public school with about 1,600 students in it.
At my new school, I quickly realized that the bus dropped me off 40 minutes before my first class even started. Personally, I wanted to go sit in the corner by myself, but I feared people would judge me and wonder “who the weirdo with no friends is?” I knew I needed to come up with a plan.
I decided to start walking the halls repeatedly until my first class started. I thought I could easily blend in and that no one would ever notice what I was doing. One day, someone figured it out. I got on the bus to head home from school and someone called me out in front of everyone and asked me “Why do you walk the halls in circles every day?” I felt my heart drop down into my stomach. I was embarrassed, humiliated, and ashamed.
The next day at school I knew that I couldn’t walk the halls anymore. From that day on, I would go into the bathroom stall and I would cry. I would have thoughts rush through my head: Kyle, why can’t you do this?” Why can’t you make friends? Why aren’t you normal? I felt like I couldn’t go any lower.
DS: What was the turning point that led you to decide to seek help?
KM: I had two of these turning points. The first picks up from the previous paragraph. It felt like everything was too much to handle and I decided to talk to someone. I spoke to my parents about what was going on and how I was feeling. They were very supportive and encouraged me to talk to my school counselor and I did. Doing this lifted a burden off my back and gave me the ability to unload some of the emotions I was feeling instead of holding them inside, which was making me feel terrible. Speaking about what I was going through and feeling made my high school life more manageable but I still was not at a spot I wanted to be at mentally.
I graduated high school and was ready to start the rest of my life. I started going to Indiana University Southeast, but I quickly noticed that I was still feeling anxious at a level that I wasn’t comfortable with. One day, I walked into the bedroom of my apartment and I heard a voice clear as day inside my head say “Kyle, you have to do something about this! You can’t live the rest of your life feeling like this. Quit taking pity on yourself and start taking action!” That’s when it clicked for me that I needed to do something.
DS: What has your treatment consisted of, and what have you found that has worked well for you?
KM: After the experience I had in my bedroom, I slowly built a 3 step process that has not only helped me, but I’ve also been able to use it to help thousands of people go from socially anxious to socially confident.
Step 1 is to shower yourself with self-love. One great way (& my favorite way) to build self-love is to practice positive self-affirmations. Here’s what I do to get the most out of this:
- I go into a private place (my bathroom) and I play some music that gets me hyped up and raises my body’s frequency.
- I look into the mirror and stare into my eyes while speaking positive self-affirmations via “I am…” statements, and I say them with emotion. I say it like I actually believe it even if I don’t at the moment.
Doing this consistently trains your subconscious mind to believe the statements you are saying about yourself. While you may feel silly or ingenuine by saying “I am confident!,” once you actually start to believe that you are confident, you become confident.
Step 2 is to find baby step uncomfortable challenges. By uncomfortable challenge, I mean something that will make you a little nervous, anxious, and a little bit outside your comfort zone. If you have heard of exposure therapy, that’s what I am talking about. But why do I say “baby step” uncomfortable challenges?
These challenges need to be challenging enough to make you feel a little anxious. You don’t want to do something so far outside your comfort zone that it makes your mental health go for a loop and you start feeling even more anxious. Imagine a pool filled with “anxiety water.” You want your challenges to be just enough discomfort to get your toe wet.
This is what led me to come up with step 3, which makes the whole process easier. Reward your efforts of the challenge, not the result. It only takes effort to go outside your comfort zone. You never know what the results of these challenges will be. That’s fine. That’s why you need to reward your effort to train your brain to focus on what you can control, your effort, and not the results. You can reward yourself very simply with things like a lunch date with a friend, a special coffee, or even something like a 20 minute Netflix break in the middle of the day.
DS: How are things going for you now? What challenges are you still facing? What have you learned that has helped you stay positive and healthy?
KM: Social anxiety is no longer in control of my life. I make the decisions I want to now. Like everyone else in the world, I still experience struggles with my mental health from time to time. To keep my daily mental health at an optimal level, I started a morning routine that focuses on preparing my mind for the day. Every morning I meditate, write in my gratitude journal, and do my self-affirmations before I do anything else. Having a morning routine has had a supremely positive impact on the way I feel on a day-to-day basis.
DS: You’ve been very involved in mental health advocacy. Please tell us a little about your advocacy efforts.
KM: Believe it or not, I used to be petrified of public speaking, but now, I travel the country speaking at schools, businesses, groups, and non-profits about mental health. I can honestly say I absolutely love speaking now, especially about mental health.
DS: What would you like to say to encourage others who are still working on their journey of recovery?
KM: First, if you are still in the stage of trying to do this by yourself, change that. Find someone you trust that you can talk to about what you’re going through. I would even preface with them something like this “I’m not looking for advice or for you to provide a solution for me, but I having a hard time and I wanted to ask if I could tell you about…”
If you’ve already done that, great! My advice is to keep going! Don’t ever stop. You can absolutely get where you want to, but if you quit, you’ll never know. See every life challenge and obstacle as an opportunity to grow. Don’t waste these moments. Learn from them and get better every single day.
About Kyle
Kyle Mitchell is a mental health advocate, speaker, podcast host, and social media influencer (@Social_Anxiety_Kyle) who is passionate about solving the problems associated with poor mental health in the world and the impact they have on our communities, especially teens and youth. Kyle’s mission is to help 1 million teens go from socially anxious to socially confident, collaborating with teens, educators, parents, nonprofits, and other organizations to change the narrative and stigma that currently exists. You can connect with him through his website, podcast, Instagram, TikTok, or by email.
Thanks so much to Kyle for sharing his inspiring story of hope!
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