My Children are Moving Forward

Stories of Hope: An Interview with Genevieve Gagnon

This is part of a series featuring individuals who share their life experiences with mental health issues. This interview is unique in that child wellness expert Genevieve Gagnon has two sons with very different mental health challenges. She preferred to recount each of her son’s experiences in a separate interview. Accordingly, you will find Part 1, which is about her older son “ZS,” who has an anxiety disorder, and Part 2, in which she discusses her younger son “CS,” who has ADHD and a learning disability. These pseudonyms are used to protect the boys’ privacy. Here are the interviews:

Part 1: “ZS”

DS: Tell us about when you first started noticing concerns related to your older son’s mental health. How did these issues continue to affect him and your family before he received treatment?

GG: I started noticing the signs quite early with my oldest when he was around six years old. He was anxious about things that I thought he should manage. Despite my reassurances, his anxiety didn’t show any signs of slowing down, and his issues kept recurring. For example, at bedtime, I couldn’t leave the room until he fell asleep. Despite being a model student, the discipline policy of his school kept consuming his thoughts.

It was a difficult time for both of us. As a parent, my instinct was to reassure him. Not being an anxious person, it was challenging for me to sympathize fully. Thankfully, having family members affected by anxiety disorder, I was able to recognize what the problem was.

DS: What was the turning point that led to your family to decide to seek help for your older son?

GG: The turning point was when I saw that despite my reassurances, his anxiety was consuming his day. I knew that the problem was beyond my skills as a parent and that only a professional would provide the tools and strategies he needed. My son engaged in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) with a child psychologist, where he learnt various techniques and coping mechanisms.

As he got older, he was also encouraged to face his fears. For example, he had to go by himself on an errand to the corner store. I did not force him but slowly encouraged him, and now he does it alone. Last year, he began taking the city bus to go workout at the gym after school without being prompted, something he would have never done before.

One of the most effective methods that I feel the psychologist used was the staircase method. This method is one in which you break down your fears and rate them from one to ten, ten being the most fearful. My son ranked germs at number 10. We coined it the “Germ Challenge.” He then had to list his various fears concerning germs. For example, handshakes were a 4/10, not being able to use hand sanitizer was 7/10. From this, he had to break it down with mini-challenges. As soon as he accomplished one, he had to move on to the next one. It is slow but effective because it came from him, and he set the pace.

He also had to write a sheet of various coping mechanisms to use when he is experiencing anxiety. We stuck the list of said techniques to the fridge. Some of those mechanisms are muscle relaxation techniques, physical exercise, retreating to a calm place, treating yourself, and cooking. The purpose of this list is to help him deal with the problem at its roots rather than seek constant reassurance.

Having a daily mantra is also a useful coping tool. My son’s mantra is: “I believe in myself, what I am feeling isn’t real. I have been through this many times before, and I was okay. I am the best I can be, and I am perfectly healthy.” He wrote it himself and stuck it on his bedroom door.

I felt medication was unnecessary until middle school, when I realized the strategies alone would not be enough. With the recommendation of a psychiatrist, we started him on medication. The combo of medication plus coping mechanisms proved to be most helpful. My son now has a better understanding of managing his anxiety and is increasingly facing his fears.

DS: How are things going for your older son? What challenges are you still facing? What have you learned that has helped him stay positive and healthy?

GG: As parents, we have to be mindful not to become a crutch for our children. In the beginning, I would answer the questions, relieving his fear, reassuring him. That method is only short-lived. After a while, my son realized it was easier to complain to me and seek reassurances that quickly made him feel better rather than finding the solutions for himself. He relied on me rather than on himself to solve his problem. I quickly learned that teaching him to fish rather than giving him a fish type of thing was a much better approach. So upon an episode of high anxiety, I started to ask him questions, refer him to past events, what had he learnt, prompting him to use logic to manage the crisis.

As parents, we are all busy. The short-term, quick fix of reassurances to alleviating the anxiety will certainly provide rapid relief for little work; however, it will have definite long-term consequences in their adulthood. I often need to catch myself from reassuring him and instead force myself to turn the tables and prompt him to face his fears.

A child with anxiety often has the same recurring trigger points. Keeping a journal can help you put a name to those triggers or the events related to his increased stress. Parents should not overlook the positive effects and importance of physical activity. He was in competitive soccer, and during the pandemic, it has come to a grinding halt. In contrast, his level of physical activity had decreased, and his anxiety had increased. I forced him to go outside and practice his soccer or play with his brother. It made a big difference to his frame of mind.

Part 2: “CS”

DS: Tell us about when you first started noticing concerns related to your younger son’s mental health. How did these issues continue to affect him and your family before he received treatment?

GG: My youngest has ADHD (attention deficit-hyperactivity disorder) coupled, as it is often the case, with a learning disability. It was much harder for me to pinpoint because the hyperactivity component is rather nonexistent.

While in grade 3, the school and teachers were applying constant pressure to improve his academic results. Despite mine and his continuous efforts, progress was scarce. My son was growing both tired and frustrated. Going to school was becoming a daily struggle for him. His self-esteem was at its lowest point. Neither myself nor his teacher was able to put the finger on what was wrong. It’s then I decided to get a psycho-educational evaluation done.

Diagnosis in hand, I scheduled a meeting with his school principal and teacher. Sadly, I faced a stubborn lack of cooperation, and I knew that my son would not get the attention he needed and would not flourish in this environment.

I took the time and the appropriate steps to find a school that could meet his needs. The new school’s administration met with me quickly to establish an individualized education plan (I.E.P.) designed to tie together parents, educators, and education specialists to ensure the child’s success. This plan is a map of the steps to which each party commits to helping the child. It outlines steps and strategies for the child, the parents, and the school to follow and holds everyone accountable. However, it is only as good as the people’s involvement in it. My son had a tough time implementing those strategies at the beginning. It requires a lot of time and patience to use those strategies daily; however, I could see some improvement, and it was encouraging for both of us.

DS: What was the turning point that led to your family to decide to seek help for your younger son?

GG: The COVID pandemic was the turning point. While my son was making progress in class, it was painstakingly slow. Trying to keep up with the rest of the group meant that my son was more often than not catching his breath, so to speak. But when the pandemic hit, I started working with the education specialist one by one, untangling the learning issues related to his ADHD. Reading was one of them. He was reading at 80 words a minute at the beginning of the year. By year-end, he had improved to 132 words a minute pace.

During the pandemic, the slower teaching pace helped us sort out the issues and work on certain executive functions: Starting his work on time, planning the day, doing, and prioritizing his tasks.
The biggest lesson I have learned with ADHD is that routine and consistency are the keys to moving forward and making actual forward progress.

DS: How are things going for your younger son now? What challenges are you still facing? What have you learned that has helped him stay positive and healthy?

GG: There is a constant balance between hand-holding, working toward him becoming more autonomous and gauging when it is time to “let go.” For example, last year, when the pandemic hit, I had to be beside him when he was doing his work continually, but with time, effort and patience, we have reached a point where he tells me his plan, we agree on it, and then off he goes and does his work on his own. I only review or ask him questions after he has finished studying or completed his assignment. Patience and small wins have been vital for my sanity because when the pandemic started, I was horrified at the thought of having to handhold him to university and beyond.

Understanding also how he learns and retains information was essential to succeed. Physical activity is also crucial to his mental health. The best way I can think of to sum it up is; patience, it is a marathon, not a sprint. The challenges he still faces are mainly due to his difficulty controlling his impulsivity. He has a lot of work left to do before overcoming his knee jerk reaction and remain calm when things get complicated.

DS: Tell us about your blog you have written to share your experiences and help other parents.

GG: I started my blog, Two Clear Minds, to help parents because I didn’t want anyone to feel as alone and helpless as I did when I was facing the challenges children with mental health issues present. I have been managing reasonably effectively for the last eight years. Not to say that I still don’t experience some trials and tribulations, but overall my children are moving forward and are learning to cope and overcome their mental health challenges. I felt the knowledge and experience I have acquired could only help people going through similar situations.

Balancing both worlds, career and home life, isn’t easy, so if I can make a difference for someone, it would be more than I hope for.

DS: What would you like to say to families to encourage them when they are still facing mental health challenges with one or more of their family members?

Things I have learned facing mental health challenges:

  • It is a marathon, not a sprint.
  • There are no short-term solutions.
  • Get the proper diagnosis from a professional.
  • Educate yourself; read, read, read.
  • Self-esteem and mental health are just as important as academic results.
  • If ignored during childhood, mental health effects will have a more significant negative impact in adulthood.
  • Teachers are a great resource to ask questions about your child.

About Genevieve

Genevieve Gagnon is a child wellness expert & public speaker on a mission to play a part in advancing the mental & emotional development of children. She spent over 10 years as the president of a transportation business, building high-performance teams, leveraging strategy, and handling complex multimillion-dollar negotiations. Her executive career behind, she took her business world skills and applied them to something that would make a true impact: children. As the mother of two sons with mental health and developmental challenges, she became determined to share her knowledge & experiences with parents who struggle with similar issues. Genevieve has been referred to as one of “Canada’s Most Influential People” & “20 Under 40” with features in multiple newspapers, and was recently appointed on the Executive Board of Family Resource Centre ADD. You can connect with her through her blog, LinkedIn, or X (formerly Twitter).

Thanks so much to Genevieve for sharing her experiences with her sons.

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