Stories of Hope: An Interview with Tali Normoyle
This is part of a series featuring individuals who share their life experiences with mental health issues. Recently, I asked student and advocate Tali Normoyle about her journey. Here’s our interview:
DS: Tell us about when you first started becoming aware of concerns related to your mental health. How did these issues continue to affect you before you sought treatment?
TN: I was raised in a conservative Christian home in which psychology and mental health were never addressed, and if so, it was done in a negative way. Because of this, I was not aware of my symptoms. Looking back, I realized that I had struggled with depression most of my life and started having suicidal ideations in junior high.
Around that time, I also started having a negative body image and started dieting. My parents added to this with their indirect comments and wanting me to lose weight. This was the beginning of my anorexia.
Although I was struggling with these things, I was always happy because that was what I was supposed to be. In fact, I was the queen of being happy and that’s what many people loved about me. But deep inside there was so much going on, a lot of which I wasn’t aware of.
My symptoms started to get really bad in my senior year of high school. I had gone on a fast with my family and lost a lot of weight. This triggered my eating disorder and it became active, meaning I started restricting more and my eating disorder took over my life.
Another thing that triggered my eating disorder was that it was my senior year and I was graduating and had no idea what to do with my life. See, eating disorders are about control, and at that time, my life was spinning more and more out of control. I had no vision for myself and no want to survive.
My eating disorder became an obsession and addiction. It became a way to numb the pain. Instead of thinking about how terrible my life was and all the emotions I was thinking, I could just focus on food and weight. I went days without eating. I weighed myself every morning and that weight affected my mood.
I ate less and less until a bite was enough. The scale became my worth measurement. If I lost weight, I was happy. If I didn’t, I was a failure. But of course there was never an “enough” if I got down to my goal weight; I would just make another.
I found ways to control my hunger until my hunger cues left all together. This of course made my depression and suicidal ideations worse. As my eating disorder continued to get worse, the more I slept, the worse I felt about myself and the more I wanted to kill myself.
DS: What was the turning point that led you to decide to seek help?
TN: Honestly, it wasn’t really my decision. Throughout my senior year, I had one friend who I would talk to about what was going on. At one point, she realized that my mental health was getting worse and worse and she had to do something. She ended up telling her mom what was going on, who told a family friend who eventually told my parents.
It was a big mess and ended up causing a lot of drama, tension, and ending friendships, which of course I blamed myself for. When my parents found out, they did not deal with the news very well and it just made me worse.
Because of my background, I thought that everything that was going on with me was my fault and that I had done something wrong and God was punishing me. I thought that Satan somehow had control over me and that because I struggled with this, I was a terrible person. Eventually, I was hospitalized and then sent to an eating disorder treatment center.
DS: What has your treatment consisted of, and what have you found that has worked well for you?
TN: Although the above situation and how I eventually got treatment was awful, I am glad I got treatment. I did not really have a say in anything that happened to me at that time and I think if I did, I wouldn’t have gotten help. So, although it was hard and could have been handled a lot better, I am glad that people made me get help.
My treatment consisted of one month at an inpatient eating disorder treatment center. It was hard…I am not going to lie. Recovery was the hardest thing I have ever done, but so, so worth it. At the end of my stay I did not want to leave the treatment center, partially because I did not want to go home, but also because I had learned so much and had knew I had so much further to go.
After treatment I started to see a counselor and nutritionist, who I see to this day. I just want to make it clear that once I got out of treatment I wasn’t just automatically “fixed.” There was so much work that still needed to be done. There were relapses that I had to go through. In my recovery, I started cutting and purging and although that was a setback, the important thing was that I kept trying.
I think what worked for me the best through my treatment was just having people to talk to, having a support system and realizing that I truly want recovery. That is the hardest thing though coming to the point where you truly want help and want to recovery.
Through talking to nutritionists and counselors I was able to rewire my brain and realize what I had believed about God, food, weight, my identity, and mental health were not true and all misconceptions. I started realizing how long I had been struggling with these things and was able to dive into my past and work through my past pain.
DS: How are things going for you now? What challenges are you still facing? What have you learned that has helped you stay positive and healthy?
TN: Things have been a lot better. I have worked on my relationship with food and myself. Although I definitely still have eating disorder struggles, I have realized that restricting is not the answer. I still struggle daily with my body image and family as well as my relationship with God. I still want to stop eating or cut. I still have bad days, but I know that with time and work I will continue to heal.
I have learned so much about how to stay positive and healthy. I have learned that talking and having a support system and people that understand you is SO important. At times it feels like those people aren’t out there, but if you look you will find it. If it is through social media or support groups or counselors, you can find people. You just have to be determined and open to that help. I found journaling is AMAZING and reading books about what you’re going through. There is so much out there, but should be more.
DS: You’ve been active in mental health advocacy and/or social media. Tell us about your involvement in those activities.
TN: On the “should be more” note, I am passionate about advocating for mental illness. There needs to be more out there for people who are struggling. More people need to understand mental illnesses, especially eating disorders. Eating disorders have the highest mortality rate of all mental illness yet they are rarely talked about and our “diet culture” just encourages them.
I just started an Instagram account called @advocate4_ED_mentalillness where I share about my struggle and also educate, encourage, and spread awareness for mental illness. I want to continue advocating and growing in my advocacy so that the next person who struggles with an eating disorder or any other mental illness can get more support and encouragement.
DS: What would you like to say to encourage others who are still working on their journey of recovery?
TN: I would say don’t give up. Just DON’T. There is so much worth living for and living with a mental illness just sucks. You do not have to live in so much pain. Get help so that you can live life to the fullest. You are on earth for a purpose, don’t ever forget that. You are worth fighting for. Recovery is hard but it is worth it so keep going!
About Tali
I am 21 years old and I live in Maryland. I am currently working on becoming a clinical mental health counselor. My goal is to continue to help and advocate for people with mental health illnesses. I want to be an encouragement and inspiration to those struggling with mental health. I want to share my story and hopefully help others through their struggles. I want to be a speaker, an advocate, a counselor, and so much more. I got a second chance on life and I want to use it to the best of my abilities. Thank you for letting me do that with this opportunity. You can connect with me on Instagram.
Thanks so much to Tali for sharing her inspiring story of hope!
Would you like to share your story of hope? I plan to feature more personal accounts like this from time to time on my blog. If you are interested in sharing your story, please notify me via my contact page. Also, please subscribe to my blog and feel free to follow me on X (formerly Twitter) or Instagram, “like” my Facebook page, or connect on LinkedIn. Finally, if you enjoyed this post, please share it with a friend. Thanks!