Don’t Give Up Until the Miracle Happens

Stories of Hope: An Interview with Hope Andersen

This is part of a series featuring individuals who share their life experiences with mental health issues. Recently, I asked author and online coach Hope Andersen about her journey and her current activities. Here’s our interview:

DS: Tell us about when you first started becoming aware of concerns related to your mental health. How did these issues continue to affect you before you sought treatment?

HA: My awareness of my mental illness began in my early teens, as I describe in my new memoir How to Remodel a Life, and coincided with my beginning to cycle emotionally on a regular basis. In retrospect, I see that I had all the signs of alcoholism and bipolar disorder by the time I was 14.

I was moody, irritable and depressed while at other times creative beyond belief. I lied about my feelings and my actions. I stole booze from my parents and lied about my drinking. I was suicidal and didn’t see that as a problem.

At one point, my parents took me to a therapist to find out what was wrong with me, but all I did was lie to her and put on a good show. My erratic personality and behavior caused confusion and chaos in my family.

I did not seek help until I was 25 years old. Treatment for bipolar disorder came much later, when I was in my 40s and had a near fatal full-blown manic episode during which I lost all sense of reality and had an affair with another man.

The remorse that I felt when I “came to” was so great that I attempted suicide and was institutionalized for a spell. My behavior between those two diagnoses was confusing for my husband, my three children, and my friends as I cycled from manic to depressed having been given the wrong diagnosis and wrong medications.

DS: What was the turning point that led you to decide to seek help? 

HA: The turning point that enabled me to seek help from alcoholism came when I was 25 years old. I was an empty soul who knew only despair. Though my outsides looked good – I was pretty, highly educated, had a promising career – my insides were in shambles.

Simply put, I reached out to something I didn’t even know existed and said “Help.” That was the most honest word I had said for a long time. Gradually, I was led into recovery. That was in 1981. I have been continuously sober ever since. I was simply sick and tired of being sick and tired.

As far as bipolar disorder goes, I had no idea that I suffered from that disease until I was diagnosed in 1999 after a full-blown manic episode that almost robbed me of my husband, my children and my life.

DS: What has your treatment consisted of, and what have you found that has worked well for you?

HA: My treatment is like a three-legged stool – part spiritual, part mental, and part physical. I believe that I could not have recovered had I not found a God of my own understanding. My relationship with God, Spirit, the Universe, Higher Power has continued to evolve and grow throughout my years of sobriety.

Were it not for my belief in a loving, caring Creator, I would never have learned to truly accept and to love myself. I could never have been able to let go of my self-centeredness, a symptom of alcoholism, and learned to be of service to others. These are the cornerstones of my sobriety.

Mentally, I have always relied on therapists, psychiatrists and trusted advisors to guide me through the mess that is my mind. I have also relied heavily on many of the wonderful books that provide direction and inspiration, my favorites being The Book of Joy and Dante’s Inferno. Of course, there are so many more! Finally, my recovery mentally is based on my transparency. I must be scrupulously honest with myself and others, for it has been said “we are as sick as the secrets we keep.”

Physically, I follow a pretty basic program of self-care. I eat healthy food, exercise regularly (swim, yoga, walk mostly), hydrate frequently, sleep at least 8 hours a night, and take my medication daily. I also meditate and try to avoid anything stressful. This may seem like a lot of work, and it is, but it is how I maintain the balance that allows me to live a full and creative life. All these practices, and many more, are outlined in the ‘Toolkits’ at the end of each chapter in How to Remodel a Life.

DS: Speaking of How to Remodel a Life, what can you tell us about your book? What to you hope to achieve from writing it? How did it come about?

HA: It came about when I was working in a bookstore shelving books. It was Christmas and there were so many books by Chip and Joanna Gaines. And so many self-help books. I thought, “Why not put them together and talk about recovery using the metaphor of rehabbing a house?” The more I thought about it, the more I liked it.

In the book I tell the story of my mental illness but I also provide tools at the end of each chapter that I have learned and incorporated into my recovery over the past 38 years. My hope with the book was to reach someone, anyone who might be struggling with these issues and encourage them to seek help, to know that others have walked the path they are walking now.

DS: How are things going for you now? What challenges are you still facing? What have you learned that has helped you stay positive and healthy?

HA: Things are going very well for me now. I am enjoying my life as a writer and a peacemaker, a channel of God’s inspiration. Not that I don’t have my moments. I recently had a health scare, the result in part of having been on lithium for so many years. My kidneys were damaged, but the news is all promising. I am pretty certain I will be around for many more years!

There are, of course, the everyday challenges of living with compassion and tolerance for everyone, with being judgmental and sometimes superior. Those defects are never too far away. But recognition of them keeps me humble. I know I will never be perfect. Just perfectly imperfect.

What I have learned that has helped me to stay positive and healthy is this: The Universe is a loving, caring place that only wants me to feel joy. I have the choice to be happy or to hold on to resentments and fears. At any time, I can start my day over. Life happens one moment at a time.

DS: What would you like to say to encourage others who are still working on their journey of recovery?

HA: Beware of instant recovery. Time takes time. Don’t give up until the miracle happens. Don’t ever, ever, ever give up. You never know what is around the corner. You can do anything that you put your mind to. Nothing is impossible. Follow your dreams. But easy does it. Don’t overdo it. Stay on your meds and strive for balance. If you don’t believe you can get better, believe that I believe.

About Hope