Stories of Hope: An Interview with Catherine Rose Liberty
This is part of a series featuring individuals who share their life experiences with mental health issues. Recently, I asked eating disorder recovery coach Catherine Rose Liberty about her journey and her current activities. Here’s our interview:
DS: Tell us about when you first started becoming aware of concerns related to your mental health. How did these issues continue to affect you before you sought treatment?
CL: Growing up I never felt as though I truly fit in. I was a child with above average intelligence and socially I found it incredibly difficult to interact with others due to the constant fear and worry of doing something wrong. I would worry about things that other children appeared to be oblivious to and I would run and hide even from my own family members because being around others felt too overwhelming.
These feelings were exacerbated when I started school. I developed selective mutism and I started to experience physical manifestations of anxiety such as daily nausea and vomiting. I came from a loving but somewhat troubled family where mental health was not openly discussed. I was taught to hide my pain from others with a smile. I was told I was just shy and that I’d eventually grow to be more confident.
At 6 years old I began turning to food for comfort. I remember noticing very early on how binge eating somehow made the world less scary, but of course, like any unhealthy coping mechanism, it was only temporarily masking my pain. When I was 15 I developed bulimia and began to suffer from depressive episodes. I never told a single person. I was so ashamed. This went on for another decade but somehow in my later teens, I managed to start functioning well enough in life for my struggles to again go unnoticed by family and friends.
It was only in my early 20s that I began to realize how mentally unwell I was. I was in the most loving supportive relationship and while my partner never once pushed me to get help, I began to see the fear in his eyes. He broke down crying one night several years into the relationship after we’d watched a documentary on eating disorders. He told me that he was terrified I was going to die. That was when I fully accepted just how bad things were, but it was still another year or so before I even considered looking for help.
DS: What was the turning point that led you to decide to seek help?
CL: My turning point came on the 4th of July 2009. I was in the middle of what I consider to have been the worst depressive episode of my life, both my eating disorder and anxiety were utterly out of control at this time too. I’d dropped out of university, I was unable to work and I had not left the house all year. This was my rock bottom and I knew in that moment I could not take one more day of living in such misery. That morning my mind was filled with thoughts of ending my life but by the evening there were fragments of sunshine and sparks of hope for a better future.
In what seems like an unprecedented moment of clarity I had stumbled upon a profound realisation. I did not want to die, I just couldn’t go on living that way any longer. I realized that I needed to reach out for help and so I did, quite literally. Feeling that my eating disorder was the primary catalyst for my weakening mental health and suicidal thoughts, I reached out to my computer and typed “help for bulimia” into my search engine.
The hours that followed are a blur but I know that was the moment that hope came back into my life for good. I stumbled across a self-help website, a community bursting with individuals who were just like me, guided by a beautiful soul who had been exactly where I was and who had somehow made it through to the other side. I could breathe again. I also reached out to my doctor at this time and was given a referral for cognitive behavior therapy.
DS: What has your treatment consisted of, and what have you found that has worked well for you?
CL: While I did attend regular check-ups with my doctor in the months that followed, at that time here in the UK waiting lists for mental health support were around 9 months. I knew that I could not wait that long for help so I chose to immerse myself fully in the evidence-based self-help resources I had discovered online. I chose to believe that with this guidance I had the power to help myself to start the healing process.
The program that I used was in its infancy, but fully evidence-based. I believe it was the first of it’s kind to be offered online. The program I used combined elements of traditional therapies including Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT), Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). It also had a heavy focus on self-directed nutritional therapy and I believe this had the greatest impact on my mental health. I wasn’t just recovering from my eating disorder on this program, I was also healing my anxiety and depression without even realizing it at first.
Peer support was an additional crucial element that worked so well for me. Finding a safe space to discuss what I was going through with others who had similar lived experience meant the world to me. Connecting with others in recovery reduced the shame and guilt I had carried for so long. For the first time, I knew that I was not alone in my struggles and through the wonderful insights and vulnerability of my peers I came to understand the true nature of recovery. It was not a linear process, but rather a journey that would likely involve relapses along the way. This changed everything. From that point on there were no “failures” only opportunities to gain new insights and to grow stronger.
I did attend an initial appointment with the psychologist my doctor had referred me to after the 9-month wait was up. However, both the psychologist and I agreed that I was no longer in need of this higher level of support. Instead, I continued to work through my self-help resources with the promise that I could be fast-tracked for therapy in the future should I feel that I needed more support. I worked solidly on my recovery every single day until the point where I felt truly healed and ultimately found myself to be fully recovered from disordered eating without the need for additional treatment.
DS: How are things going for you now? What challenges are you still facing? What have you learned that has helped you stay positive and healthy?
CL: This July I will be celebrating my 10 year “recovery anniversary” from disordered eating. I consider myself to be fully recovered from bulimia and binge eating, I eat intuitively and I am at total peace with food and my body. Despite facing major life challenges over the years I have not experienced any further depressive episodes and my anxiety has become manageable. This is a level of freedom that I never dreamed would be possible.
Generalised anxiety disorder is still a part of my life, but it does not define me. The behavioural and self-care skills I learned while recovering from disordered eating were highly applicable to anxiety too and gradually I worked to build a full and vibrant life. I am now a Health Psychology Graduate (MSc). I am working towards starting my PhD later in the year and for the past 7 years, I have been working to support others through the very same eating disorder recovery program that I attribute to saving my life. I do intend to seek out traditional face-to-face therapy in the near future, I believe it’s finally time to address the many traumatic experiences I endured as a child and I believe this will bring me to an even higher level of well-being.
I have learned to accept, respect and love myself fully in spite of my differences and struggles. I have come to see my highly sensitive introverted nature is a blessing, not a curse because it provides me with masses of empathy and helps me to build deep, authentic and meaningful relationships with others. I have learned the importance of rigorous self-care and setting healthy boundaries in all areas of life. It sounds like a lot of work, and it was, but the maintenance is minimal these days as respecting my core needs has become enjoyable and effortless over the years. Furthermore, I now have such gratitude for each and every experience in life that has brought me to this point. I know I am exactly where I need to be.
DS: You’ve been active in mental health advocacy and/or social media. Tell us about your involvement in those activities.
CL: I am passionate about spreading the message that full enduring recovery from eating disorders is possible and truly honoured to now work full time as an eating disorder recovery coach, helping to bring hope back into the lives of others. Earlier this year I finally took the plunge into social media and I now run the Instagram account @fullrecoveryispossible while also sharing evidence-based recovery research and supportive resources via my Facebook page.
DS: What would you like to say to encourage others who are still working on their journey of recovery?
CL: I need you to know that there are no lost causes. No one is beyond help, even though I know it feels like this sometimes. Even if you feel mental illness has always been a part of your life, even if you can not recall a time when you felt truly happy or at peace in this world, with the right help and support (which will mean different things for different people) it really is possible to slowly begin turning your life around. Take the smallest step in the right direction today and before you know it, you will be doing “the impossible” too.
About Catherine
Catherine Rose Liberty is a Graduate Member of the British Psychological Society who has worked as an Eating Disorder Recovery Coach for the past 7 years. After fully recovering from bulimia and supporting countless others to do the same, she is now on a mission to spread the message that full, lasting recovery from eating disorders is possible. Catherine’s background is in Health Psychology (BSc, MSc) and Social Work (PGDip) and she is highly motivated by scientific research. Currently working hard to secure a PhD placement, Catherine plans to connect with individuals across the globe in order to broaden our understanding of full enduring recovery from long-term disordered eating. Catherine is co-author of “The Bulimia Help Method” and was a contributing writer for “The Binge Code.” After gaining her doctorate, Catherine hopes to push for treatment paradigm shifts for disordered eating both within the UK and further afield in the hopes that long-term treatment success rates can be significantly improved. You can connect with Catherine via Instagram, Facebook, or her website.
Thanks so much to Catherine for her inspiring story of hope!
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